Sports Fan Paradise (Lite)

Final 2010 Pick 'Em Standings: The Shaun Poore Edition

2011-01-05T15:53:00.009-05:00

16-1 Shaun P. - Patriots

15-2 Boston Mike - Seahawks
15-2 Mike C. - Colts
15-2 Bobby N. - Rams
15-2 Chris M. - Falcons
15-2 The Insneider - Texans

15-2 Liza C. - Colts
15-2 Fawn S. - Texans
14-3 Jen L. - Vikings
14-3 Cass M. - Rams
13-2 Colleen S. - BYE
13-4 Jamie S. - Colts
12-3 Jess H. - BYE
11-2 Alison C. - RETIRED
10-4 Marci B. - RETIRED
9-3 Angela C. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

15-2 Tom E. - Rams
12-5 Art S. - Colts
11-3 Jay F. - RETIRED
10-4 Frank S. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED

14-2 Bardo - BYE
14-3 Finn D. - 49ers
13-2 Ryan D. - BYE
13-3 Joe F. - BYE
13-3 Jay K. - BYE
13-3 Brian S. - BYE
13-3 Greg T. - BYE
12-2 Matt R. - RETIRED
12-3 Mike R. - BYE
12-4 Dan R. - RETIRED
12-5 Tristan L. - Colts
11-2 Tom B. - RETIRED
11-2 Steve B. - RETIRED
11-2 Karaoke Craig - RETIRED
11-3 Steve G. - RETIRED
10-4 Dave F.- RETIRED
10-5 Joey L. - Rams
9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED

Week 16 Pick 'Em Standings: The Bruce Edition

2010-12-29T13:30:00.002-05:00

15-1 Tom E. - Eagles
15-1 Bobby N. - Bucs
15-1 Shaun P. - Steelers

14-2 Bardo - Colts
14-2 Boston Mike - Jaguars
14-2 Liza C. - Eagles
14-2 Mike C. - Vikings
14-2 Jen L. - Chargers
14-2 Chris M. - Steelers
14-2 Cass M. - Chargers
14-2 Fawn S. - Chargers
14-2 The Insneider - Chargers

13-2 Ryan D. - BYE
13-2 Colleen S. - BYE
13-3 Finn D. - Cowboys
13-3 Joe F. - Eagles
13-3 Jay K. - Eagles
13-3 Brian S. - Eagles
13-3 Greg T. - Jaguars
12-3 Jess H. - BYE
12-3 Mike R. - BYE
12-4 Dan R. - Jaguars
12-4 Jamie S. - Eagles
11-5 Tristan L. - Eagles
11-5 Art S. - Raiders
10-4 Joey L. - BYE

12-2 Matt R. - RETIRED
11-2 Tom B. - RETIRED
11-2 Steve B. - RETIRED
11-2 Alison C. - RETIRED
11-2 Karaoke Craig - RETIRED
11-3 Jay F. - RETIRED
11-3 Steve G. - RETIRED
10-4 Marci B. - RETIRED
10-4 Dave F.- RETIRED
10-4 Frank S. - RETIRED
9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
9-3 Angela C. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 15 Pick 'Em Standings: The Christmas Edition

2010-12-22T10:53:00.005-05:00

15-0 Tom E. - Patriots

14-1 Boston Mike - Chargers
14-1 Liza C. - Bears
14-1 Jen L. - Dolphins
14-1 Cass M. - Cowboys
14-1 Bobby N. - Cowboys
14-1 Shaun P. - Cowboys
14-1 Fawn S. - Cardinals
14-1 The Insneider - Cowboys

13-2 Bardo - Patriots
13-2 Mike C. - Bears
13-2 Finn D. - Bears
13-2 Ryan D. - Bucs
13-2 Joe F. - Falcons
13-2 Jay K. - Cowboys
13-2 Chris M. - Dolphins
13-2 Brian S. - Raiders
13-2 Colleen S. - Jets
13-2 Greg T. - Bucs

12-3 Jess H. - Cowboys
12-3 Mike R. - Vikings
12-3 Dan R. - Raiders
12-3 Jamie S. - Raiders
11-4 Tristan L. - Raiders
11-4 Art S. - Steelers
10-4 Joey L. - Bears
12-2 Matt R. - RETIRED
11-2 Tom B. - RETIRED
11-2 Steve B. - RETIRED
11-2 Alison C. - RETIRED
11-2 Karaoke Craig - RETIRED
11-3 Jay F. - RETIRED
11-3 Steve G. - RETIRED
10-4 Marci B. - RETIRED
10-4 Dave F.- RETIRED
10-4 Frank S. - RETIRED
9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
9-3 Angela C. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 14 Pick 'Em Standings: The Three's Company Edition

2010-12-14T19:00:00.011-05:00

14-0 Jen L. - Eagles
14-0 Fawn S. - Falcons

14-0 Tom E. - Jaguars

13-1 Boston Mike - Jets
13-1 Liza C. - Jaguars
13-1 Ryan D. - Saints
13-1 Chris M. - Jaguars
13-1 Cass M. - Jaguars
13-1 Bobby N. - Falcons
13-1 Shaun P. - Falcons
13-1 The Insneider - Colts
13-1 Greg T. - 49ers

12-2 Bardo - Eagles
12-2 Mike C. - Falcons
12-2 Finn D. - Jets
12-2 Joe F. - Giants
12-2 Jay K. - Falcons
12-2 Mike R. - Texans
12-2 Matt R. - Falcons
12-2 Brian S. - Falcons
12-2 Colleen S. -49ers

11-3 Jay F. - Broncos
11-3 Steve G. - Bears
11-3 Jess H. - Jets
11-3 Dan R. - Colts
11-3 Art S. - Broncos
11-3 Jamie S. - Jets

10-4 Marci B. - Raiders
10-4 Dave F.- Jets
10-4 Tristan L. - Patriots
10-4 Frank S. - Jets
9-4 Joey L. - Giants
11-2 Tom B. - RETIRED
11-2 Steve B. - RETIRED
11-2 Alison C. - RETIRED
11-2 Karaoke Craig - RETIRED
9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
9-3 Angela C. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 13 Pick 'Em Standings: The Disney Edition

2010-12-07T15:02:00.015-05:00

13-0 Boston Mike - Eagles

13-0 Jen L. - Bears
13-0 Fawn S. - Bears

13-0 Tom E. - Seahawks

12-1 Liza C. - Seahawks
12-1 Finn D. - Seahawks
12-1 Ryan D. - Vikings
12-1 Chris M. - Eagles
12-1 Cass M. - Eagles
12-1 Bobby N. - Bears
12-1 Shaun P. - Eagles
12-1 Mike R. - Seahawks
12-1 The Insneider - Bears
12-1 Greg T. - Eagles

11-2 Bardo - Seahawks
11-2 Tom B. - Colts
11-2 Steve B. - Rams
11-2 Alison C. - Dolphins
11-2 Mike C. - Seahawks
11-2 Jay F. - Seahawks
11-2 Joe F. - Chiefs
11-2 Steve G. - Bears
11-2 Jess H. - Steelers
11-2 Karaoke Craig - Chargers
11-2 Jay K. - Chargers
11-2 Matt R. - Chargers
11-2 Brian S. - Seahawks
11-2 Colleen S. - Packers
11-2 Art S. - Eagles
11-2 Jamie S. - Dolphins

10-3 Marci B. - Eagles
10-3 Dave F.- Seahawks
10-3 Dan R. - Chargers
10-3 Frank S. - Chargers
9-4 Tristan L. - Dolphins
8-4 Joey L. - Colts

9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
9-3 Angela C. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 12 Pick 'Em Standings: The Patriots vs. Jets Edition

2010-11-30T14:09:00.011-05:00

12-0 Boston Mike - Browns

12-0 Jen L. - Browns
12-0 Fawn S. - Steelers

12-0 Tom E. - Jets

11-1 Tom B. - Texans
11-1 Alison C. - Browns
11-1 Liza C. - Browns
11-1 Finn D. - Browns
11-1 Ryan D. - Giants
11-1 Karaoke Craig - Texans
11-1 Jay K. - Browns
11-1 Chris M. - Browns
11-1 Cass M. - Browns
11-1 Bobby N. - Jets
11-1 Shaun P. - Browns
11-1 Mike R. - Jets
11-1 Matt R. - Jets
11-1 The Insneider - Giants
11-1 Jamie S. - Browns
11-1 Greg T. - Patriots

10-2 Bardo - Vikings
10-2 Steve B. - 49ers
10-2 Mike C. - Browns
10-2 Jay F. - Browns
10-2 Joe F. - Browns
10-2 Steve G. - Browns
10-2 Jess H. - Browns
10-2 Dan R. - Browns
10-2 Brian S. - Browns
10-2 Colleen S. - Browns
10-2 Frank S. - Browns
10-2 Art S. -Browns

9-3 Marci B. - Patriots
9-3 Angela C. - Browns
9-3 Dave F.- Browns
9-3 Tristan L. - Giants
8-3 Joey L. - 49ers

9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
9-2 Rich K. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - RETIRED
8-2 Ryan S. - RETIRED
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - RETIRED
7-2 Melissa T. - RETIRED
7-3 Devin B. - RETIRED
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 11 Pick 'Em Standings: Thanksgiving Edition

2010-11-23T22:02:00.011-05:00

11-0 Boston Mike - Saints

11-0 Jen L. - Cowboys
11-0 Fawn S. - Saints

11-0 Tom E. - Chargers

10-1 Tom B. - Ravens
10-1 Alison C. - Titans
10-1 Liza C. - Saints
10-1 Finn D. - Steelers
10-1 Ryan D. - Chargers
10-1 Karaoke Craig - Falcons
10-1 Jay K. - Jets
10-1 Chris M. - Cowboys
10-1 Cass M. - Jets
10-1 Bobby N. - Ravens
10-1 Shaun P. - Chargers
10-1 Mike R. - Chargers
10-1 Matt R. - Saints
10-1 The Insneider - Falcons
10-1 Jamie S. - Chargers
10-1 Greg T. - Jets

9-2 Bardo - Bengals
9-2 Steve B. - Bengals
9-2 Mike C. - Jets
9-2 Jay F. - Titans
9-2 Joe F. - Packers
9-2 Steve G. - Ravens
9-2 Jess H. - Saints
9-2 Rich K. - Dolphins
9-2 Dan R. - Chiefs
9-2 Brian S. - Cowboys
9-2 Colleen S. - Eagles
9-2 Frank S. - Titans
9-2 Art S. - Chargers

8-3 Marci B. - Chiefs
8-3 Angela C. - Steelers
8-3 Dave F.- Titans
8-3 Tristan L. - Chiefs
7-3 Joey L. - Broncos

9-1 Brendan R. - RETIRED
8-1 Jason T. - BYE
8-2 Ryan S. - BYE
8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
7-2 Kyle H. - BYE
7-2 Melissa T. - BYE
7-3 Devin B. - BYE
7-3 Josh E. - RETIRED
7-3 Amanda G. - BYE
6-3 Kristy B. - BYE
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 10 Pick 'Em Standings: George Bush Edition

2010-11-16T20:29:00.014-05:00

10-0 Boston Mike - Bucs

10-0 Alison C. - Bucs
10-0 Jen L. - Bucs
10-0 Fawn S. - Colts

10-0 Tom E. - Bucs

9-1 Bardo - Bucs
9-1 Tom B. - Bucs
9-1 Steve B. - Colts
9-1 Liza C. - Bucs
9-1 Finn D. - Bucs
9-1 Ryan D. - Eagles
9-1 Jay F. - Bucs
9-1 Karaoke Craig - Bucs
9-1 Rich K. - Giants
9-1 Jay K. - Colts
9-1 Chris M. - Bucs
9-1 Cass M. - Giants
9-1 Bobby N. - 49ers
9-1 Shaun P. - Bucs
9-1 Brendan R. - 49ers
9-1 Mike R. - Giants
9-1 Matt R. - Bucs
9-1 The Insneider - Bucs
9-1 Frank S. - Bucs
9-1 Jamie S. - Falcons
9-1 Greg T. - Colts

8-1 Jason T. - BYE
8-2 Mike C. - Giants
8-2 Dave F.- Giants
8-2 Joe F. - Bucs
8-2 Steve G. - Bucs
8-2 Jess H. - Colts
8-2 Dan R. - Bucs
8-2 Brian S. - Bucs
8-2 Ryan S. - Bucs
8-2 Colleen S. - Bears
8-2 Art S. - Giants

7-2 Joey L. - Eagles
7-2 Kyle H. - BYE
7-2 Melissa T. - BYE
7-3 Devin B. - Giants
7-3 Marci B. - Bucs
7-3 Angela C. - Bucs
7-3 Josh E. - Redskins
7-3 Amanda G. - Giants
7-3 Tristan L. - Bucs

8-2 Andy W. - RETIRED
7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
6-3 Kristy B. - BYE
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 9 Pick 'Em Standings: The Marathon Edition

2010-11-10T11:19:00.010-05:00

9-0 Rich K. - Falcons
9-0 Mike R. - Falcons
9-0 Boston Mike - Vikings

9-0 Alison C. - Falcons
9-0 Jen L. - Jets
9-0 Cass M. - Falcons
9-0 Fawn S. - Jets

9-0 Tom E. - Falcons

8-1 Bardo - Jets
8-1 Tom B. - Jets
8-1 Steve B. - Jets
8-1 Liza C. - Packers
8-1 Mike C. - Vikings
8-1 Finn D. - Giants
8-1 Ryan D. - Falcons
8-1 Dave F.- Vikings
8-1 Jay F. - Falcons
8-1 Karaoke Craig - Giants
8-1 Jay K. - Giants
8-1 Chris M. - Jets
8-1 Bobby N. - Giants
8-1 Shaun P. - Vikings
8-1 Brendan R. - Steelers
8-1 Matt R. - Vikings
8-1 The Insneider - Steelers
8-1 Frank S. - Falcons
8-1 Art S. - Falcons
8-1 Jamie S. - Falcons
8-1 Greg T. - Falcons
8-1 Jason T. - Steelers
8-1 Andy W. - Raiders

7-2 Devin B. - Vikings
7-2 Josh E. - Bengals
7-2 Joe F. - Jets
7-2 Steve G. - Jets
7-2 Amanda G. - Packers
7-2 Jess H. - Falcons
7-2 Kyle H. - Bengals
7-2 Dan R. - Falcons
7-2 Brian S. - Steelers
7-2 Ryan S. - Giants
7-2 Colleen S. - Bengals
7-2 Melissa T. - Steelers

6-2 Joey L. - Steelers
6-3 Kristy B. - Texans
6-3 Marci B. - Giants
6-3 Angela C. - Patriots
6-3 Tristan L. - Falcons

7-1 Troy S. - RETIRED
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
5-3 Jill B. - RETIRED
5-3 Hank S. - RETIRED
5-3 Josh S. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - RETIRED
2-2 Brian K. - RETIRED
2-2 Tony L. - RETIRED
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 8 Pick 'Em Standings: The Dallas Cowboys Edition

2010-11-03T17:14:00.011-04:00

8-0 Rich K. - Rams
8-0 Mike R. - Raiders
8-0 Boston Mike - Chiefs

8-0 Alison C. - Raiders
8-0 Jen L. - Chiefs
8-0 Cass M. - Chiefs
8-0 Fawn S. - Chiefs

8-0 Tom E. - Chiefs

7-1 Bardo - Rams
7-1 Tom B. - Dolphins
7-1 Steve B. - Redskins
7-1 Mike C. - Chiefs
7-1 Liza C. - Jets
7-1 Finn D. - Chiefs
7-1 Ryan D. - Chiefs
7-1 Josh E. - Colts
7-1 Dave F.- Colts
7-1 Jay F. - Chiefs
7-1 Kyle H. - Cowboys
7-1 Karaoke Craig - Redskins
7-1 Jay K. - Chiefs
7-1 Chris M. - Colts
7-1 Bobby N. - Colts
7-1 Shaun P. - Rams
7-1 Brendan R. - Chiefs
7-1 Matt R. - Chiefs
7-1 Troy S. - Seahawks
7-1 The Insneider - Rams
7-1 Colleen S. - Patriots
7-1 Frank S. - Cowboys
7-1 Art S. - Chiefs
7-1 Jamie S. - Chiefs
7-1 Greg T. - Chiefs
7-1 Jason T. - Colts
7-1 Andy W. - Bucs

6-2 Devin B. - Redskins
6-2 Kristy B. - Jets
6-2 Angela C. - Jets
6-2 Joe F. - Colts
6-2 Steve G. - Dolphins
6-2 Amanda G. - Patriots
6-2 Jess H. - Cowboys
6-2 Dan R. - Cowboys
6-2 Brian S. - Chiefs
6-2 Ryan S. - Cowboys
6-2 Melissa T. - Colts

5-2 Joey L. - Redskins
5-3 Jill B. - Redskins
5-3 Marci B. - Redskins
5-3 Tristan L. - Jets
5-3 Hank S. - Seahawks
5-3 Josh S. - Texans
5-1 Laura M. - RETIRED
4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
4-3 Jon M. - RETIRED
4-3 Rory S. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - BYE
2-2 Brian K. - BYE
2-2 Tony L. - BYE
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Week 7 Pick 'Em Standings: The Halloween Edition

2010-10-27T07:45:00.013-04:00

7-0 Steve B. - Ravens
7-0 Kyle H. - Ravens
7-0 Karaoke Craig - Chiefs
7-0 Rich K. - Ravens
7-0 Mike R. - Ravens
7-0 Troy S. - Chiefs
7-0 Boston Mike - Ravens

7-0 Alison C. - Chiefs
7-0 Liza C. - Chiefs
7-0 Jen L. - Falcons
7-0 Cass M. - Ravens
7-0 Fawn S. - Ravens

7-0 Tom E. - Ravens
7-0 Frank S. - Chiefs

6-1 Bardo - Chiefs
6-1 Tom B. - Chiefs
6-1 Devin B. - Chiefs
6-1 Kristy B. - Falcons
6-1 Angela C. - Broncos
6-1 Mike C. - Ravens
6-1 Finn D. - Broncos
6-1 Ryan D. - Ravens
6-1 Josh E. - Cowboys
6-1 Dave F.- Chiefs
6-1 Jay F. - Ravens
6-1 Jess H. - Seahawks
6-1 Jay K. - Broncos
6-1 Chris M. - Ravens
6-1 Bobby N. - Chiefs
6-1 Shaun P. - Broncos
6-1 Brendan R. - Broncos
6-1 Dan R. - Ravens
6-1 Matt R. - Ravens
6-1 The Insneider - Ravens
6-1 Ryan S. - Ravens
6-1 Colleen S. - Seahawks
6-1 Art S. - Ravens
6-1 Jamie S. - Broncos
6-1 Greg T. - Saints
6-1 Andy W. - Ravens

5-1 Joey L. - Ravens
5-1 Laura M. - Ravens
5-1 Jason T. - BYE
5-2 Jill B. - Saints
5-2 Marci B. - Saints
5-2 Joe F. - Ravens
5-2 Steve G. - Saints
5-2 Amanda G. - Ravens
5-2 Tristan L. - Cowboys
5-2 Brian S. - Broncos
5-2 Hank S. - Giants
5-2 Josh S. - Saints
4-2 Melissa T. - BYE
4-3 Jon M. - Broncos
4-3 Rory S. - Broncos

4-2 Sue K. - RETIRED
3-2 Andy M. - RETIRED
3-2 Alex F. - RETIRED
2-2 Alex B. - BYE
2-2 Brian K. - BYE
2-2 Tony L. - BYE
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Pick 'Em Standings Week 5: The Brett Favre Edition

2010-10-12T22:04:00.013-04:00

This week's division themes brought to you by the many faces of Brett Favre...

5-0 Steve B. - Falcons
5-0 Finn D. - Falcons
5-0 Josh E. - Jets
5-0 Kyle H. - Falcons
5-0 Karaoke Craig - Ravens
5-0 Rich K. - Colts
5-0 Jay K. - Ravens
5-0 Shaun P. - Colts
5-0 Brendan R. - Jets
5-0 Mike R. - Colts
5-0 Troy S. - Bears
5-0 Boston Mike - Colts
5-0 Greg T. - Ravens

5-0 Alison C. - Colts
5-0 Angela C. - Colts
5-0 Liza C. - Ravens
5-0 Jen L. - Ravens
5-0 Cass M. - Colts
5-0 Fawn S. - Jaguars
5-0 Jamie S. - Ravens

5-0 Tom E. - Colts
5-0 Frank S. - Colts

4-1 Bardo - Chargers
4-1 Tom B. - Bengals
4-1 Devin B. - Cowboys
4-1 Jill B. - Chargers
4-1 Kristy B. - Ravens
4-1 Marci B. - Falcons
4-1 Mike C. - Chargers
4-1 Ryan D. - 49ers
4-1 Steve G. - Falcons
4-1 Dave F.- Saints
4-1 Jay F. - Chargers
4-1 Jess H. - Bengals
4-1 Tristan L. - Chargers
4-1 Chris M. - Chargers
4-1 Bobby N. - Chargers
4-1 Dan R. - Bengals
4-1 Matt R. - Colts
4-1 Brian S. - Bengals
4-1 The Insneider - Saints
4-1 Ryan S. - Falcons
4-1 Hank S. - Colts
4-1 Colleen S. - Ravens
4-1 Josh S. - Ravens
4-1 Art S. - 49ers
4-1 Jason T. - 49ers
4-1 Andy W. - Colts

3-1 Joey L. - Chargers
3-1 Laura M. - Falcons
3-2 Joe F. - Chargers
3-2 Alex F. - Vikings
3-2 Amanda G. - Chargers
3-2 Sue K. - Jets
3-2 Andy M. - Saints
3-2 Jon M. - Lions
3-2 Rory S. - Chargers
3-2 Melissa T. - 49ers

2-2 Alex B. - BYE
2-2 Brian K. - BYE
2-2 Tony L. - BYE
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Pick 'Em Standings Week 4: The Wire Edition

2010-10-05T16:03:00.003-04:00

The Omar Division

4-0 Bardo - Saints
4-0 Tom B. - Chargers
4-0 Devin B. - Saints
4-0 Steve B. - Saints
4-0 Mike C. - Saints
4-0 Finn D. - Packers
4-0 Ryan D. - Jets
4-0 Josh E. - Patriots
4-0 Dave F.- Falcons
4-0 Kyle H. - Jets
4-0 Karaoke Craig - Saints
4-0 Rich K. - Packers
4-0 Jay K. - Packers
4-0 Tristan L. - Saints
4-0 Chris M. - Saints
4-0 Bobby N. - Saints
4-0 Shaun P. - Saints
4-0 Brendan R. - Chargers
4-0 Mike R. - Saints
4-0 Dan R. - Saints
4-0 Troy S. - Saints
4-0 The Insneider - Jets
4-0 Boston Mike - Packers
4-0 Greg T. - Packers
4-0 Jason T. - Chargers

The Kima Division

4-0 Jill B. - Falcons
4-0 Alison C. - Saints
4-0 Angela C. - Saints
4-0 Liza C. - Falcons
4-0 Jess H. - Chargers
4-0 Jen L. - Saints
4-0 Cass M. - Saints
4-0 Fawn S. - Packers
4-0 Jamie S. - Saints

The Butchie Division

4-0 Tom E. - Saints
4-0 Jay F. - Saints
4-0 Frank S. - Saints
4-0 Art S. - Saints

The Bubbles Division

3-0 Joey L. - Saints
3-1 Kristy B. - Saints
3-1 Marci B. - Colts
3-1 Joe F. - Saints
3-1 Alex Fo. - Jets
3-1 Steve G. - Texans
3-1 Amanda G. - Bengals
3-1 Andy M. - Bengals
3-1 Matt R. - Packers
3-1 Rory S. - Saints
3-1 Ryan S. - Saints
3-1 Hank S. - Titans
3-1 Colleen S. - Saints
3-1 Josh S. - Colts
3-1 Melissa T. - Chargers
3-1 Andy W. - Chargers

The Wallace Division

2-2 Alex B. - Bears
2-2 Sue K. - Bengals
2-2 Brian K. - Dolphins
2-2 Tony L. - Dolphins
2-2 Jon M. - Packers
2-1 Laura M. - Texans
1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - RETIRED
1-1 Craig K. - RETIRED
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - RETIRED
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Pick 'Em Standings Week 3: the Eastbound & Down Edition

2010-09-29T12:33:00.004-04:00

We're goin' goin', back back, to the BLOGSPOT. Yeah so I'm regressing a little...sue me. For Week 3 I thought you guys deserved a video edition of the standings and I intend to deliver.

It isn't "Not Safe For Work" per say but unless you have headphones I'd wait until you get home.

The Kenny Powers Division

3-0 Bardo - Ravens
3-0 Tom B. - Packers
3-0 Devin B. - Patriots
3-0 Steve B. - Patriots
3-0 Mike C. - Patriots
3-0 Finn D. - Ravens
3-0 Ryan D. - Patriots
3-0 Josh E. - Vikings
3-0 Dave F. - Ravens
3-0 Kyle H. - Patriots
3-0 Karaoke Craig - Patriots
3-0 Rich K. - Patriots
3-0 Jay K. - Patriots
3-0 Tristan L. - Ravens
3-0 Andy M. - Patriots
3-0 Chris M. - Patriots
3-0 Bobby N. - Patriots
3-0 Shaun P. - Ravens
3-0 Brendan R. - Vikings
3-0 Mike R. - Patriots
3-0 Dan R. - Patriots
3-0 Troy S. - Patriots
3-0 Brian S. - Patriots
3-0 Jeff S. - Patriots
3-0 Hank S. - Bengals
3-0 Boston Mike - Patriots
3-0 Josh S. - Patriots
3-0 Greg T. - Vikings
3-0 Jason T. - Patriots

The April Buchanon Division

3-0 Jill B. - Patriots
3-0 Marci B. - Ravens
3-0 Alison C. - Ravens
3-0 Angela C. - Ravens
3-0 Liza C. - Patriots
3-0 Amanda G. - Vikings
3-0 Jess H. - Ravens
3-0 Jen L. - Colts
3-0 Cass M. - Patriots
3-0 Fawn S. - Vikings
3-0 Jamie S. - Patriots

The Dustin Powers Division

3-0 Tom E. - Vikings
3-0 Jay F. - Patriots
3-0 Frank S. - Ravens
3-0 Art S. - Patriots

The Stevie Janowski Division

2-0 Joey L. - Patriots
2-1 Alex B. - Ravens
2-1 Kristy Bo. - Patriots
2-1 Joe F. - Patriots
2-1 Alex F. - Patriots
2-1 Steve G. - Patriots
2-1 Sue K. - Packers
2-1 Brian K. - Redskins
2-1 Tony L. - Ravens
2-1 Matt R. - Patriots
2-1 Rory S. - Ravens
2-1 Ryan S. - Patriots
2-1 Colleen S. - Bucs
2-1 Melissa T. - Ravens
2-1 Andy W. - Patriots

The Reg Mackworthy Division

1-1 Ty K. - RETIRED
1-1 Al K. - BYE
1-1 Craig K. - BYE
1-1 Laura M. - Redskins
1-1 Steve S. - RETIRED
1-1 Csaba S. - BYE
1-2 Jon M. - Falcons
0-1 Betsy R. - RETIRED

Karaoke Craig's Picks

2009-09-13T13:14:00.001-04:00

miami, kansas city, philadelphia, cincy, minnesota, houston, indy, new orleans, dallas, arizona, washington, seattle, chicago, new england, san diego

We're still working on motivating KC to be more of a writer. Give it time.

Mike's Week 1 NFL Picks

2009-09-11T09:09:00.008-04:00

Welcome back, welcome back. These are my favorite posts to write and it has been a cold and lonely offseason without them. Besides the fact that KC and Bardo will be picking against me this year, not much has changed. I'll pick each game against the spread and every week I'll give you an upset special (underdog to win outright) and a Chucktown Lock (game to take straight to your bookie). I may even throw in a Chucktown&Down 3-team Parlay if we had a robust comment section that week and I feel like you deserve it. So, without Freddie Adu, let's get to the picks!

STEELERS -6.5 over Titans
I'm starting the season 0-1...whatever. I undervalued the Titan's defense because they lost Albert "What'TilWeGetOur" Haynesworth "OnYou" to Washington. I won't do that again. Good news is that thanks to some clutch Bardo advice I started Santonio Holmes (130 yards and a TD) over Chris Henry (could get arrested before Sunday). So all in all it was a push.

Chiefs +12.5 over RAVENS
I think Baltimore is a lock to win this one at home and I'm taking them in Pick'Em, but they like to play the type of game we saw last night. Unless White Cassel starts throwing Pick-6's left and right I don't see a blowout, but I'm about as confident about this game as I am about TO's sexuality.

FALCONS -4 over Dolphins
A battle of '08's turnaround teams. Both are well coached but I think Hotlanta has too much fire power. Plus, you don't need to be Bill Belichick to stop the Wildcat offense if you have 7 months to prepare for it. Peace up, A Town!

PANTHERS +2.5 over Eagles
As the proud owner of Brian Westbrook and DeSean Jackson I am going to be a defacto Eagles fan this year. I'm not totally pumped about it but I'll live. This is a classic "show me" game, on the road against a team that is dominant in the trenches. If Philly wants to win the division they need to win games like this, but until they show me they can I'll take a home team giving up a couple. It's not my Upset Special though, since this one could go either way, a classic "1 game" in a priority league.

BENGALS -4 over Broncos
Wow. Talk about a fugly matchup. The Broncos are in complete disarray but the Bengals are still the Bungels until they prove otherwise. Somehow Cincy comes into this game with more stability than their opponent, which hasn't happened in 3 years. Kyle Orton + a 29th ranked defense - Brandon Marshall x the fact that their coach has about as much control over that locker room as Richard Vernon has over a Saturday detention = I am not picking you. Sorry.

Vikings -4 over BROWNS
I will be rooting against Brett Favre harder than I have ever rooted against any one individual player with the possible exception of the pin-striped Rocket. I would love to see Favre throw 4 picks and get embarrassed in the Dog Pound, but AP can win this game by himself.

TEXANS -4.5 over Jets
I predict that the Team Rex-n-Defects will finish worse than any other 2008 playoff team, and Houston will be this year's Falcons. With great respect to Randy Moss and Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson is the best wide receiver in football. There, I said it. He will finish with the most fantasy points of any WR and help carry his team to a 10-6 record. Boom. Roasted.

Jaguars +7 over COLTS
Jacksonville is 8-5-1 against the spread in their last 14 games against Indy. I bet you didn't know that.

Lions +13 over SAINTS
Don't sleep on the 2009 Detroit Lions! Just kidding, you can hibernate on them, but they seem to have done everything right this offseason. Look for them to win the 1st quarter and have that be enough to keep it to a 28-17 game.

GIANTS -6.5 over Redskins
Many experts like them to go to the Super Bowl, so they need to cover a touchdown at home against arguably the worst team in their division, right?

BUCS +6 over Cowboys
You smell that? Either I'm having a stroke or I SMELL AN UPSET. Tampa just fired their offensive coordinator before he ever called plays in a regular season game? No problem! Tony Romo sucks and the Bucs always play good defense at home.

PACKERS -3.5 over Bears
I almost want to take Chicago because I think this one will be so close, but I have to go with the Pack in Lambeau, especially since we have no idea how the Bears will mesh now that they're past the crazy off/preseason. If you want a bonus pick I would take the OVER at 46, these aren't your grandfather's Bears and Packers.

Rams +8.5 over SEAHAWKS
The AFC and NFC West divisions are like Resource Room in elementary school. If a team is a little behind they can go there to play around with other slow kids. I'll take St. Louis to cover because sj39 is my boy and Seattle is currently the worst city in professional sports. Eventually the gloom of that town has to lessen their 12th man home field advantage, right?

CARDINALS -6.5 over 49ers
The Niners suck, right? The Cards lost the Super Bowl by an inch last season, right? Better bet on them while Kurt Warner is still alive.

PATRIOTS -11 over Buffalo
Double-digits is a little steep for Week 1, but I see no reason for this not to be a continuation of the 2007 Belichick/Brady Fuck You Roadshow. DING-DING-DING! We have found our CHUCK TOWN LOCK OF THE WEEK! 31-13 sounds appropriate, which is the under (47.5) for those scoring at home.

RAIDERS +9.5 over Chargers
San Diego is like the Oscar de la Hoya of the NFL: Marketable, utterly ridiculous, but with the talent to beat anybody on any given day or lose a fight they should win, thus a difficult team to bet on. As horrible as the Raider organization is, I just can't take San Diego on the road against a Top 10 pass defense with a spread this big.

Wait...Oakland is such a shitshow that Richard Seymour won't even show up? If Rodney Harrison says his team is looking good than who is the SFPG to say otherwise???

Chargers -9.5 over RAIDERS

Season Standings:
Bardo 0-1
Karaoke Craig 1-0
Mike 0-1

The Rest of Bardo (0-1) 's Picks

2009-09-11T09:06:00.001-04:00

Broncos +4 over Bengals - Dont be fooled by Hard Knocks.

Texans -4.5 over Jets - Not taking a rookie QB in week 1 on the road

Vikings -4 over Browns - Haaaaaaave you met Cleveland?

Saints -13 over Lions - I like the Lions this year but not in this one

Colts -7 over Jags - RSVPing to the Anthony Gonzalez coming out party.

Chiefs +13 over Ravens - Too many points for a defense first team to cover.

Cowboys -6 over Bucs - The Mr. Personality game because its so ugly.

Panthers +2 over Eagles - John Fox knows to run on every play right?

Giants -6.5 over Redskins - Usually takes more than 1 week to expose Eli.

Seahawks -8.5 over Rams - Rams begin their run as this year's Lions.

Packers -3.5 over Bears - Packers fans itching to be heard from.

Dolphins +4 over Falcons - Early taste of AFC vs. NFC; take the points, leave the cannoli.

Cardinals -6.5 over 49ers - Still trying to figure out what the 49ers did this offseason.

Patriots -10.5 over Bills - Have the Pats named a starting QB for week 1 yet? Oh, really...

Chargers -9 over Raiders - Expecting SD to choke out the Raiders and then throw them to the ground.

The Innaugural Pick of 2009

2009-09-09T15:19:00.001-04:00

Let's get shit started right. I'll have the rest of my brilliance posted by tomorrow afternoon. As for tonight, here is how it breaks down:

Karaoke Craig - Tennessee +6.5

Bardo - Pittsburgh -6.5

Mike - Pittsburgh -6.5
(I always like defending champs to win by a touchdown at home over teams quarterbacked by 37-year-old alcoholics)

For Old Time's Sake

2009-09-09T09:00:00.004-04:00

What can I say, I got a little homesick. Every once in a while it's nice to come back to where it all started, like when Bruce takes a break from the stadium tours and plays Asbury Park.

The truth is, BK the IT guy is on his honeymoon and since I'm a moron I have no idea how to fix the big boy site. Please don't bother him though, he deserves the vacation and the wedding was probably the most fun I've had since October of '04:

So, until the newly married man gets back from Aruba why don't we just make ourselves comfortable in the old pad?

I'll have my Week 1 NFL Picks column up by Friday afternoon, and Bardo and Karaoke will get their picks in as well. We will each be picking every game against the spread to figure out who the real SFP Guy is.

Until then, send some mailbag questions so I have something to write about.

Moving Day!

2009-04-21T15:20:00.001-04:00

I strolled all alone through a fallout zone and came out with my soul untouched
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd but when they said "Sit down" I stood up.
Ooh-ooh growin' up

sportsfanparadise.com

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2009-04-14T08:58:00.002-04:00

Please excuse our appearance as we make some changes to the site.

Please check back in at the end of the week.

T.G.I.Mailbag

2009-04-10T09:00:00.026-04:00

Sports (Fan Paradise) Guy Mailbag Take 2!

I've been very impressed with the emails people have been sending in. To be quite honest I didn't think you guys had it in you, but I sounded the alarm and you delivered. I am a little disappointed with the lack of female representation in the bag, but hopefully the ladies will come around soon.

I'm actually busy as hell today so this post will be a gradual one. I'll post an answer every hour, on the half hour, so feel free to check back in periodically.

As always, send your provoking questions for S(FP)G to sportsfanparadise@gmail.com

It's NFL draft season. However, since my team doesn't have a first-round pick this year, mock NFL drafts are 99 percent less interesting to me than in years past, and my imagination has run amok thinking about other, potentially more interesting draft possibilities. Who, for instance, are the top 5 celebrities on your draft board if you're trying to find the ideal wingman for a night out? I think we're looking for a recognizable, interesting guy who seems like he'd instantly develop a rapport with anyone but not necessarily embarrass you or your friends in the looks department. I'm thinking some of the Apatow crew (Seth Rogen, Jason Segel) would be strong candidates. Jack Black? Zach Braff? Kenan from Kenan and Kel?

-Carolina Craig, Philly

The #1 pick is easy: Neil Patrick Harris.

For the last 4 years he has portrayed the character of Barney Stinson, the greatest wing man in television history. I trust NPH to help me pick up women for the same reason that I would trust Mathew Fox to perform an emergency appendectomy, Tim Daly and Steven Webber to fly a plane, or Keifer Sutherland to save millions of American lives. He is good looking enough to attract women but short enough to make me look good, and he is gay, so there is no competition at the end of the night.

Other first round picks? How about Tom Brady. Even is he decides to cheat on Gisele its not like there won’t be 100 other women who want to be with “the guy Tom Brady was with.” Just ask his actual wingman Will McDonough; his life does not suck.

Rounding out my Top 5 would be Vinny Chase (E always overachieves), Bret Michaels (because he seems to attract the type of women I wouldn’t mind partying with at this stage of my life), and Benjamin Linus (because he can get anyone to do anything and think it was their idea).

I’m liking the idea of non-football mock drafts. We will expand on this.

The Sports Guy has had some great guests on his podcasts including Peter Berg, the genius behind the greatest show, Friday Night Lights. Not including The Boss, who are the top 5 guests that need to be on the inaugural SFP podcast?

-Fawn, Needham

Great question, especially since SFP will be podcasting by summertime. But you’re right; Bruce would probably be at the top of my list for dream guests. If I could pick five others to interview I think the list would be, in no particular order: Larry Bird, Dr. Drew, Damon Lindelof, Mike Tyson and Jenna Jameson.

Besides the 1% chance of booking Lindelof, I can promise we will never get any of these people, but you asked for a Top 5 so you got a Top 5. Oh, and by the way, “top-5” is pretty much the theme of this mailbag so get used to it.

A more realistic list of 5 guests I’d love to have on the inaugural podcast would look more like this: Tony Reali, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, CT from the Real World, Heidi Watney and Raven’s kicker Steve Hauschka. Those I think we can make happen.

S(FP)G -

Just watched Raging Bull. Robert DeNiro is such a bad ass in parts of that movie. But if you think about it, he's a bigger bad ass in like 8 other movies. Taxi Driver, Godfather Part 2, Casino, Goodfellas, Midnight Run, to name a few.

The sports equivalent of this I suppose is someone who has hall-of-fame careers on multiple teams. This happens much less today because players play on so many teams that their numbers on any single team aren't hall-of-fame worthy. Shaq is an example of this. He's a hall-of-famer because of what he did in LA. In isolation, his Orlando and Miami careers don't get him there.

Charles Barkley on the other hand is a hall-of-famer with his career in Philly AND with Phoenix. Roger Clemens is in the Hall with his Boston and NY careers.

Tell me your top five athletes and top 5 actors are in this category. (Also, which DeNiro is the biggest bad ass? Taxi Driver, right?)

-Dave in DC

No, DeNiro was a little bitch in Taxi Driver. Neil McCauley never would have let himself obsess over Betsy or Iris the way that Travis Bickle does.

Two performances come to mind if we’re talking about when DeNiro was the biggest badass. He was an absolute maniac in Mean Streets as Johnny Boy, but that said, when I think badass I think someone who is smart, ruthless, and has balls of steel. If that doesn’t describe a young Vito Corleone then I don’t know what does, so my vote goes for DeNiro in Part II.

Also you’re wrong that Clemens is a hall-of-famer just based on his time with the Yankees. Especially with the steroid allegations I think that’s a terrible example, sorry. And I’m not sure that Barkley makes the Hall just based on four seasons in Phoenix, despite how good he was, but I won’t argue with you about basketball.

You’re question was a little confusing but I take it that you’re looking for 5 athletes who had hall-worthy careers with multiple teams, and actors who simply dominated many different movies. As for the athletes, I’ll try and take one from each major sport. Hockey is definitely Gretzky, whose 10 years with the Oilers or 8 with the Kings would probably get him in on the first ballot. For hoops I’m going with Kareem: 30&15 a game for 6 seasons with Milwaukee and then 14 season with LA in which he became the all-time leading scorer. Football is a tricky one because there are few trades and very short careers, but how about Marshall Faulk? 8,000+ yards from scrimmage with the Colts and 11,000+ with the Rams earns him my vote. Nolan Ryan led the league in strikeouts 7 times with the Angels and twice each with the Astros and Rangers, but I don’t think any one stint besides his 8 years in California get him in. I hate to do this…I really do. But I have to. My baseball player is (gulp) Manny. 8 years in Cleveland and 8 in Boston, with just staggering numbers his entire career. Finally, for RW/RR Challenges I think the answer is obvious: Darrell Taylor. He was never the most dominant, but with wins in The Gauntlet, Inferno, Inferno II AND Fresh Meat, there is no better winner. Call him the Steve Kerr of Challenges if you want, but he deserves his place in history.

And now you want 5 actors who dominated multiple movies? I feel like this is wide open since so many great actors have had so many great roles, so I will just go with the 5 actors who appear in different roles in my short list of favorite movies: Pacino (Tony Montana and Michael Corleone), Bill Murray (John Winger, Carl Spackler), Chevy Chase (Fletch, Ty Webb), Kevin Spacey (Verbal Kint, John Doe), and Tim Robbins (Andy Dufresne, Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh). Honorable mention to Paul Newman and Robert Redford (Henry Gondorff & Johnny Hooker, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid).

S(FP)G -

I've been reading lately that our beloved Boston Globe might be going bankrupt within the next year. Within like ten years, probably every newspaper will be gone. Is there anything good that can come of this? The way I see it, the only potential upside is that someone will invent a contraption to attach to the toilet that will hold computers to read while we crap. I'd pay a lot of money to not have to keep balancing my computer on my knees.

-Butch from the Cape

How about this invention: white screens that can be hung anywhere which project an iPhone or a Blackberry’s image screen. They can be on the back of every stall and hung in every room of the house. All our TV is going to be on mobile devices in 5 years anyway, and these screens will let us watch it in 40 inch high-def wherever we’re sitting. If there are any really smart people reading this blog (unlikely) you should get on this right away!

But on a serious note, there is something physically romantic about reading a newspaper. It has a special charm and character that websites do not, and I am very sad about the fact that they are on the road to obscurity. Still, I am happy to see the old school newspaper writers, especially in Boston (Shank, Borgers, etc) finally becoming irrelevant. They had way too much power for way too long, and the sports media genre is better off now that it is saturated to the point that people have hundreds of options as to whose opinions they read.

In a typical day do you think more about food or sex?

-Andy from Charlestown

Hmm. It took a mailbag and a half but I think somebody finally stumped me. I’m writing this at 11:56 and all I have eaten today is a banana, so right now all I can think about is buffalo chicken pizza and an Italian sub from Sam & Anne’s. If you ask me in an hour I’ll probably say that I think more about taking a shit than food and sex combined, but again it will also be a skewed answer.

I have a theory that there are 5 different types of people in the world, and you can’t categorize a person until you have seen them leave a bar at 1:30 in the morning. Person #1 tries to find another bar that’s open, a party, or at the very least a fridge with another beer in it. Person #2 wants to find the closest bag of weed and smoke as soon as possible. Person #3 tries to find his or her bed, or the closest comfortable area, and go to sleep immediately, while Person #4 calls his or her significant other or tries to get laid by any means necessary. Then there is Person #5. My roommate for all 4 years of college was Person #5, who will leave a bar and immediately go looking for food. Sometimes its pizza, sometimes it’s Chinese, but that is the ONLY thing on his mind. Sure, he may look for a beer, a bed or a girl, but that’s just to wash down the food, have something to sit on, and have someone to share with.

But that is a long and off-topic answer to a very simple question. I eat far more than I have sex, but I think I spend more of the day horny than hungry, since its so much easier to find food then it is to find women who aren’t looking for a commitment. So there you go, sex it is. Having said that, if I only ate a few times a week my answer would most definitely be food.

Ken Griffey Baseball '98 for N64 was always one of my favorite video games. Besides being able to pitch with Pedro in his prime and bat with the Indians' lineup, the game always pulled the pitcher after giving up 4 runs, whether it was the 1st or 6th inning. One of my goals going into every game was to score 4 runs before recording an out so the SP's ERA for the game was an *, I may have even hit restart a few times if I couldn't reach my goal. What are some of the other side games that can be played with classic video games?

-Hank, Boston

You guys are fuckin BRINGING IT today. I’m impressed.

Hank, I have been thinking about this for years and never had an “out-loud” conversation about it, so hopefully I can remember some of my little side games. One that comes to mind is in Tetris, where I would only clear layers of 4 at a time and see how long I could last. Sometimes there would be a 2 minute stretch when I would never get a long piece and it got intense. Also, my buddy Mike and I would play very high scoring games of NBA Live 95 for Sega in which we would try to break individual player scoring records. I think I scored 116 with Reggie Miller that has never been topped, but I forget. I have been known to win games of Madden 2005 without throwing a pass, but that was college and I was showing off. Let’s see…what else? During Madden seasons I would try to break as many single season records as I could, usually setting new marks in rushing yards (my RB), touch downs (my TE) and sacks (my fastest OLB). I would play warm-up games of RBI Baseball 3 against the computer before playing against my brother, usually trying to throw a perfect game and restarting when I put a runner on base. In March Madness ’04 I would try to get all my starters in double figures, but that wasn’t as much fun as playing Grand Theft Auto 3 and just ignoring the mission to trying to kill as many people as possible. That is by far the best “game within the game” in history.

Who do you think would be the best and worst cross-over coaches? A cross-over coach would be like a current NFL coach coaching a NBA game. The two best that I have come up with are Phil Jackson and Bill Belichick. Phil Jackson would be a great baseball manager. He would be much better Yankees skipper then fucking Joe Girardi. In baseball its all about managing players and especially with the Yankees managing egos. The Zen man would be a great fit. For my other pick, Belichick, you can’t tell me that he wouldn't be a great NHL coach. He would mastermind some ridiculous defense that impossible to score on. As for the worst cross-over, it’s a much easier question. Doc Rivers would be an awful NFL coach and Jon Gruden would be a terrible baseball manager. What do you think SFPG?

-Chris, Cambridge Mass

Welcome to the party Chris. Good question. I think that being an NFL coach would be extremely difficult, and I don’t think there are many coaches in other sports that could handle the hours or the strategizing. I do have a few coaches from different sports that could probably take over for each other rather seamlessly. How about John Fox swapping places with Mike Scioscia? For some reason I feel like they have the same type of mentality. I also think that Terry Francona could do Doc Rivers’ job, but not vice-versa. Tito is a player’s manager, and when you have Kevin Garnett on your team that’s the kind of guy you need. I agree that Gruden would be a terrible baseball manager, but what about a college basketball coach? NBA guys would never listen to him, but I think he has the energy for it, and I bet he would be an excellent recruiter.

Dear S(FP)G -

Saturday evening I was crushing the bar scene in the tourist-filled Fanuiel Hall area of Boston. After a baker's dozen big boy sodas with the guys, we decided to introduce our out-of-town friend to the phenomenon known as "Scorpion Bowls" at one of the city's sleaziest dive bars.

As we approached the door surrounded by some of Boston's finest underage girls, the bouncer stopped my New York friend (I am aware this is a conflicted title) and denied his access. Naturally I asked for justification, assuming the mere fact that he is from New York is not enough. The man replied, "Your friend was displaying 'slow tendencies'". As any drunk A-hole would do, I could not hold back.

"So you're telling me because my friend suffers from a mental disability that you won't let him in your bar?" No response. "What is worse -- having the cops show up to find a bunch of underage kids in your bar or a bunch of mentally handicapped people?" His response, "Your friend is not retarded, he's drunk!" Who is he to judge? At this point I was pulled away from the bar and led to Sausage King, which immediately distracted me and helped me forget about the lame excuse for my first door denial experience since college.

It's been a while since I experienced a denial, but if you're going to get denied there better be a damn good reason. "Displaying slow tendencies" is about as lame as John Smoltz injuring himself while ironing the shirt HE WAS WEARING! Am I justified in my response to such a lame-duck excuse? Was my immediate reaction to pawn my friend's drunken stupidity off as mental disability inappropriate?

- Dan in Medford

You bring up a decent point. It was a long and confusing point, but I have found some decency in it. What if a retard tried to get in a bar and got denied for acting too drunk, even if he was dead sober? That may be a civil rights issue, I’m not sure. As for your situation, however, I’m sure the bouncer was just doing his job and doing it well. Someone has to protect the 19-year-old girls with fake IDs inside Hong Kong, and I’m sure your buddy was completely hammered (as I’m sure you were still drunk when you submitted this question).

But to answer your final inquiry, I am always one for bending the rules and using every trick in the book to succeed, so I commend your effort, but I doubt you were very convincing after “a baker’s dozen big boy sodas.”

SFPG-

Since it’s today’s theme, what are the top 5 songs you would enter to if you were an MLB closer?

- Jacob, Des Moines

OK, I am officially making this the final Top-5 question I field today, its 4:22 and I’m about to call it a weekend. But I like this one a lot.

The closer entrance song needs to accomplish 2 things: it needs to pump people up and it needs to intimidate the other team.

I will definitely put Wild Thing at the top of the list, especially now that Pap has settled on just using Shipping up to Boston by Dropkick Murphy’s. It is perfect for the closer entrance. I also have to say that I respect Enter Sandman (Mariano) and Hells Bells (Trevor Hoffman) but I can’t copy any of those guys.

#2 would have to be Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit. I would have them start it at the 1:15 mark and I wouldn’t sprint out until 2:00. The place would go apeshit if they didn’t censor it.

#3 For Those About To Rock (We Salute You) by AC/DC. This gives you a solid 6 minutes to warm up and get the place pumped.

#4 Bruce’s Out in the Street. Judge me all you want but this would get the cougars on their feet.

Finally, this would be what my entrance would sound like if I ever played over in Japan.

Smokey Monster makes Bardo LOST

2009-04-09T12:39:00.004-04:00

2 days off from work paired with no Masters coverage til 4 (Thanks corporate America!) means I'll be your pilot on today's LOST exploration. I wont even pretend that I understood most of it, but here come some of the Notent Notables from last night's smokey episode.

1) Cant bury the lead, how hot was Alex? I say she blasted past Claire and Juliet and skyrocketed to Kate and Shannon stratospheres of hotness. Seriously... she was hot. Also add Alex to the list with Claire, Christian, and Locke (probably forgetting some others) who fit into the Bon Jovi "Dead or Alive" catergory. What if the whole show was an allegory for JBJ?

2) How about the new and improved Locke? He's got confidence, he's got swagger. For once he KNOWS whats going on instead of believing whats going on. His back and forth banter with Ben last night was outstanding. Cracking jokes: "I was just looking for an apology." Telling him what to do: "We're going under the temple." I've never been a Locke guy before but, I'm starting to appreciate him more. This Locke is so new and improved I half expect to see Billy Mays do an informercial for him.

3) The triumphant return of Desmond. The guy takes a bullet to the chest and then lays a Rodney Harrison hit on Ben. Maybe Ben wasn't going to kill Penny, maybe he did kill Penny (there is no way that we saw the conclusion of that scene on the docks), but either way, any Desmond we can get is welcome. Just Desmond being Desmond.

4) The smoke monster coming out of the New York Subway grates was... something. This is clearly the where most of our new questions will come from. Who controls it? What is its purpose? Is the smoke monster Jacob? Does the smoke monster take the shape of the dead? Why did the smokey flashbacks look so polished and Disney'ed up? Overall I thought that scene where it judged, and seemingly gave Ben a pass, was the only scene I didn't like. Seemed too over-produced, too George Lucas-y. This is LOST, a show where a photograph on a desk in the background provides clues to internet-dorks; I feel like this should have been a bit grittier and a little less spoon-fed. I also don't totally feel its as simple as Ben just getting a second chance; nothing on this show is that easy.

5) I like what's going on back at the beach with the present day plane crash. The shooting of Cesar was a bit unexpected so that was nice. Illana seems to have a bit too much up her sleeve, but the extension of Pilot Frank Lapidus into the plot is laudatory. "What lies in the shadow of the statue" is a compelling storyline. The 4 toes reveal must be coming in the near future. Also, I have a friend who theorizes (no spoiler, just theory) that the silver box that Illana and those dudes are guarding could contain Charles Widmore? I kinda like that.

Finally, some quickies to go out on:

-Do we really trust Ben to take his newly received commands and to follow Locke without double crossing yet again?

-A Miles episode next week and we see Dr. Chang again... interesting.

-What happened to the off-the-island Sun that was demanding and strong?

-When Ben saw the photo of the 70's Dharma group with the Lost-ies, did he really not remember them?

-Also will we ever see the purge? Assuming the island self-corrects history (it chooses whoever it wants to choose) there's no way our friends can die in it.

-Are we sure Charles Widmore was exiled for spending time off the island and fathering a baby there, or could it have been a variety of offenses?

-Paging Doctor Daniel Faraday? Are you in the building?

Say It Ain't So

2009-04-08T14:52:00.001-04:00

Taxes trip Al Capone again - in Boston

Financial district restaurant owes state $45,385.90

By Tom Moroney Bloomberg News / April 8, 2009

Stop me if you've heard this one: Al Capone is in hot water over taxes.

It is not the late Chicago gangster convicted of income-tax evasion in 1931, but a popular Italian restaurant of the same name in Boston's financial district.

State Police arrived shortly before noon yesterday at the Al Capone restaurant on Summer Street, secured the front door, and affixed two fluorescent orange signs: "Seized, nonpayment of taxes."

The restaurant owes Massachusetts $45,385.90, mostly in meals taxes dating back to December 2004, said Robert R. Bliss, a spokesman for the state Revenue Department. The sum includes $1,850.90 in corporate taxes, he said.

Al Capone is a lunchtime stroll from Fidelity Investments, the world's largest mutual-fund company, along with Wellington Management Company LLP, State Street Corp., Putnam Investments, and Loomis Sayles & Co. The bolted door disappointed anyone who showed up for sandwiches and pizza slices yesterday.

John Verban, 51, a chemist whose favorite Al Capone fare is the thick-crust pizza, saw the irony in the police action.

"I'm up on my history," he said. "The way they bagged that other Capone was via taxes, too."

Revenue agents did not point out the Chicago parallel when pursuing the restaurant for payment, Bliss said.

"A different set of circumstances, but an interesting name nonetheless," he said.

Massachusetts closes about 80 restaurants a year after attempts to negotiate a payment schedule fail, Bliss said. The rate has remained steady during the recession, he said.

State records show the restaurant owner as First Capone V Inc., and Rose Capone of Waltham as the sole corporate officer. Calls to the phone number listed for that name did not go through.

"I just hope all that food isn't going to waste," Verban said as he peered through a window.

Now I know how Professor Gerald Lambeau felt.

2009-04-07T09:43:00.002-04:00

Of the 40 or so people who signed up for the SFP group in the ESPN Tournament Challenge I knew just about everybody. One of the two or three people that I didn't know was N. Koleas. His bracket, nkoleas 1, finished in the top 98.9% of all brackets in the country, and won our pool.

But I still have know idea who he is. He has bested some of the greatest sports minds of the world (wide web), and yet his identity remains a mystery.

I look around and see a lot of my readers, some people who are not my readers, as well as some of my coworkers. And by no stretch of my imagination do I think that you've all come to this site to see me blog, but rather to ascertain the identity of this "Mystery Man." Whoever you are, you have predicted one of the most perfect brackets that I have ever seen. So without further ado, come forward silent rogue, and receive thy prize.

Anyone with information as to the identity of N. Koleas please email sportsfanparadise@gmail.com.

Best Week Ever

2009-04-06T17:06:00.002-04:00

Monday: National Championship Game

Tuesday: Red Sox Opening Day

Wednesday: Season Premiere of The MTV RW/RR Challenge: Duel 2

Thursday: Masters begins

SFP will be there from start to finish with a live blog of each event, but since I'm going to Fenway tomorrow I'll be twittering that thing like its my job

The Inaugural Sports (Fan Paradise) Guy Mailbag: Part 1

2009-04-03T12:42:00.008-04:00

AND WE'RE OFF!

Dear S(FP)G,

I got to thinking the other day about college coed intramural sports, basketball in particular. Gym class heroes have I guess two routes they can go: 1, they can try really hard and try to impress the females they play with with their skills and ability, but this comes with the risk of being the asshole that's trying too hard when everyone else is just messing around.

OR, they can kind of minimize their effort to the lowest common denominator on the floor, try and make sure everyone's happy and get everyone involved, not really caring about the score. This can be a good route because it shows selflessness and caring for others. It also might help get the best of both worlds, since this can lead ladies to think you're both (a) talented and (b) not an overly competitive asshole.

I know what Tony Dungy would tell me ("YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME"), but what would the S(FP)G have to say?

-Harry in Worcester

First off, I think Herm Edwards would tell you to “play to win the game” while Dungy would probably tell you to play in the eyes of the Lord. But don’t worry, I won’t interpret your confusion as closet racism, don’t worry.

As for the gym class hero question, I’m glad you came to me. As someone whose athletic career peaked in high school gym class I consider myself a very credible source. I spent my entire life, even in town intramurals, as a decent athlete amongst better and worse athletes. But in gym class it was different. Sometimes I would not only the best athlete in the class, but the only athlete, and could dominate for the first time in my life. So yes, I’m qualified to answer this.

It really comes down to one thing and one thing only: Whether or not there is a hot girl in the class. If its just ugly girls, dorks, and stoners, you may as well put up 30 points and 10 boards in a 4-on-4 basketball game and go to your next class on a high note. If, however, there is a good looking girl that you’re trying to impress, you need to change your strategy. The worst thing you can do is try to show off. Its gym class, after all. If the game is basketball, my advice is to not take a shot, just penetrate and dish, acting more like Nash and less like Lebron or Kobe. Control the game, but get everyone involved, you’ll look like the nice guy that doesn’t care about winning a phys ed game. If the game was team handball or soccer I used to play goalie. It’s the most passive position on the field and succeeds in making you look like you aren’t trying too hard, but if put up a shut-out everyone is going to know who the MVP is. Finally, if the game is kickball, kick that freaking thing as hard as you can. Chicks dig the long ball.

So I see Bill Simmons fairly frequently in The Grove, the shopping
center that he talks about on Page 2; What do you want me to ask him
when I see him next? My buddy asked me to call him so he can come over
and see him in person, but that seems like a pointless venture.

Sincerely, Andy from LA

Ask him when he’s going to post some pictures of the Sports Gal. Or better yet, if he is shopping with his wife you can take a picture of her with your cell phone and email it to me so I can post it on SFP. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that then ask him excitedly if he is the same guy that works for Rick Reilly on ESPN.

S(FP)G -

Survivor Series-style elimination fight, five Celtics from 1984 vs. five Pistons from 1989. Who do you pick for each side and who wins?

My First two Celtics would be Greg Kite and Dennis Johnson. THIS CLIP tells you why. 9 Seconds in, watch the 6-foot nothing DJ take down the 7'4 Ralph Sampson. Then notice 32 seconds in Greg Kite coming off the bench having played about 3 minutes all year putting Sampson in the Sleeper a la Brutus the Barber Beefcake). Third Celtic is Parish (see this clip of Parish taking out Bill Lambeer) and the fourth has to be McHale.

My Final Celtic is Cedrick Maxwell: Check out this clip of him drilling a fan that sprayed some soda on him. It's the quintessential pre-Artest NBA Player vs. Fan fight.

As for Detroit, I'm going to just go with their most brutal guys: Rodman, who actually has pro wrestling tag-team experience, Lambeer, John Salley, Vinny Johnson, and Mark Aguire.

I take the Celtics winning with Cedrick Maxwell being the last man standing. What say you S(FP)G?

-Dave in DC

Your knowledge of late-‘80s Pistons and Celtics is far greater than mine, so I will not argue with your prediction, but I think your are underestimating the fact that Laimbeer is the only guy in the match with any actual weight advantage. They would need 2 refs just to untangle most of those lanky bastards. Also, you didn’t mention the advantage that Vinny “The Microwave” Johnson would have as soon as he gets tagged in, since he was known to heat up very quickly.

But enough about that match, you presented some fine points. Your question got me thinking about which pro sports teams, past or present, would be able to field the best 5-man Survivor Series teams. These are the best 5 I could come up with, one from each major sport:

1995-96 New York Knicks

Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason, Patrick Ewing, John Starks, Charles Smith

1993 Philadelphia Phillies

Lenny Dykstra, John Kruk, Darren “Dutch” Daulton, Pete Incaviglia, Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams

1974 Pittsburgh Steelers

“Mean” Joe Green, Jack Lambert (right), Mike Webster, Jack Ham, Franco Harris

1977 Charlestown Chiefs

Reggie Dunlop, Dave “Killer” Carlson, Jeff Hanson, Steve Hanson, Jack Hanson

2004 RW/RR Challenge: The Inferno

Chris “CT” Tamburello, Mike “The Miz” Mizanin, Abram Boise, Timmy Beggy, Darrell Taylor

And while we’re on the topic…

What was the straw that broke the back of professional wrestling as
an acceptable program to watch on TV? I haven’t watched any in probably
6 years, but I can't really pinpoint when I stopped.

-Martin from Miami

I hate to break it to you but the back isn’t broken for the 5.5 million people that watched Monday Night Raw last week, making it consistently the highest rated show on cable. Those rednecks aside, I would guess the straw for a lot of people occurred when Chris Benoit, “pound-for-pound the best in the business”, murdered his wife and son before committing suicide. I can’t pinpoint my straw, since is was more of a collection of things: When I began gambling and participating in fantasy football and Monday Night Football became more important than Raw, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin broke his neck and stopped wrestling for a year, The Rock started doing movies and I saw on the Tonight Show that he was actually a nice guy, and finally, and most importantly, when the WWF bought the WCW and there was no competition anymore. The glory days of wrestling arguably occurred when the WWF was running with DX, Vince McMahon and Austin went at it every week, and the NWO was still taking kicking ass on TNT, but that was 10 years ago. They still have a huge audience, but they lost me.

So now those Apple iPhone commercials promise apps for remembering where to park your car. Add this to the long list things we won’t actually have to use our brain for. At what point are we going to start seeing a tangible difference in how stupid we're getting as a society?

-Anonymous

We already are. The part of my brain that used to be able to answer “hey, what movie was that guy in?” is now completely dead, replaced only by the knowledge of a site called IMDB. I used to know how many home runs Mike Greenwell hit in 1989, but with baseballreference.com I don’t need to remember that type of stuff. I don’t know how to spell anything that the computer corrects for me. See, I just tried to spell computer with an “-ir” and it corrected for me. I didn’t even need to hit the spell check. So yes, we are already a much dumber society. I would complain about how we let technology rule our lives, but putting that type of rant on a blog that people are reading from their blackberry is kind of ridiculous. I will commend the iPhone for one incredible app though, this thing is genius.

Does the fact that Heather Mitts now plays for the Boston Breakers make you remotely interested in attending a Women's Professional Soccer game at Harvard Stadium?

-Tristan, Boston

Nope.

Wait, are the Boston Breakers part of a lingerie soccer league?

Intern says no. So yeah…no.

My roommate and I were watching Home Alone the other day and we started debating which Wet Bandit gets messed up the worst - Harry or Marv. Also, same question for Home Alone 2, and which movie does Kevin inflict the most pain and punishment in?

- Jeff, Hollywood

This question earns the silver medal while Dave’s Survivor Series scenario takes gold. The easiest answers to write are the ones that you have been thinking about anyway for well over a decade, and I have definitely done plenty of thinking about this before.

I don’t think there is any question that Marv gets the worst of it in the first movie. Harry gets the blowtorch to the head, tarred and feathered and beaten with a crowbar, but Marv’s 30 second stint in the basement earns him the prize. The hot iron to the face and stepping on the nail have to be BY FAR the most painful things that have ever happened to someone in a PG movie. To this day I don’t think I’ve watched the nail go into his foot all the way through without closing my eyes. If you add the long-lasting effects of the tetanus he must have contracted then this is a landslide victory.

Home Alone 2 is another story, since the violence and consequences became much less feasible. At one point Harry’s head is on fire (a la part 1) and he sticks it in a toilet full of paint thinner. In any sort of real world with human laws of nature this would be by far the most painful injury of the trilogy, just ahead of Marv getting electrocuted. Luckily for the Wet Bandits, HA2 didn’t follow these rules and despite the massive explosion and electrocution they walked away nearly unscathed.

So the final verdict is that the Kevin inflicted the most harm in the sequel, but it is beyond believability that both Harry and Marv could survive the injuries, disqualifying Lost in New York and giving the award to the original.

Dear Fake Sports Guy,

This will definitely be the dorkiest question you get, but please bear with me. If you were a modern-day Frodo in Lord of the Rings and had to go on a mission to save the future of man, who would your 8 companions be?

Rob, Ithaca

Great question, Robby definitely jumped onto the medal stand with a bronze-worthy question. As you may or may not know I am a huge LOTR guy, so my initial reaction is to keep the Fellowship pretty much in tact, while subtracting Boromir and the two non-Rudy hobbits and throwing in some CTU agents. But you did say modern-day, and as much as I would trust Gandalf with my life and couldn’t think of guys I’d rather go into battle with than Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, I don’t think wizards and elves would blend in on a 2009 mission. So sadly I need to revamp the entire group.

The obvious #1 pick is Jack Bauer. I’ll admit I was hesitant, because he tends to go rogue, and this is supposed to be a fellowship. We can’t have someone going off-the-map on their own while the rest of us are working as a team. That being said, “the future of man” means that millions of lives will be at stake, and there is nobody better in that situation than Jack Bauer. Plus, I’ll need people who are mentally strong enough not to try and steal the ring from me, and if Jack can kick heroin in 6 hours I’m pretty sure he has the fortitude not to attack me for “my precious.”

If I have Jack then I need Chloe O’Brien too. She is pound for pound the best hacker and intell-provider out there. She can run point from a remote location, which will make it much easier for the rest of us to move quickly without a woman slowing us down.

Next is Bear Grylls. Is there anyone you would rather have with you to help survive an adventure? No way. I’m also going to include Bear Grylls’ cameraman in my team, since that guy does everything Bear does but can do it one-handed. He is probably the most overlooked and underrated guy in television history.

Next I’ll take Jin and Sayid from Lost. Jin for his loyalty and Sayid because he is the kind of guy you need on your side when shit goes down. Imagine Sayid and Jack Bauer interrogating someone together? That guy would give up the info faster than the gatekeeper in Princess Bride.

As much as I trust the team I’ve put together so far, none of these people are my friends. I need a Sam, someone who I trust and I know they will have my back. I am taking my buddy Dusty for 3 reasons: 1) He is a big dude and can kick asses if need be, 2) He is a nurse, so he can patch me up if need be, and 3) He is a great drinker, so we can get pumped, you know, if need be.

Finally, we need some more muscle. Also, we need a fiercely loyal guy who can take the fall if we get caught along the way. That’s why my 8^th and final companion is Wee-Bey from The Wire. Definitely the Boromir of the crew, but not everyone can make it to Gondor.

So an anonymous person who loves American Idol and I were driving to Ithaca a month or so ago when David Cooke, last seasons winner came on the radio. My friend moved his spitter to his left hand so he could turn up the radio when I asked "what the heck are you doing? This song sucks and this guy sounds like a talentless Nickelback! Change the station!" I had never heard of David Cooke at the time but I know a talentless Nickelback when I hear one, as there are millions of them these days. Your thoughts?

-Shaun from VA beach

I’m pretty sure that “talentless Nickelback” is redundant, but I’m far from a music critic. FYI, you emailed a guy who hasn’t liked a new album since Bruce put out The Rising, and although I watched some AI last season I haven’t heard a David Cooke song since. So I can’t really help you there. I have gotten into Idol recently though, continuing my trend of waiting until the top 10 to get hooked. He’s a little flaming for me, but Adam Lambert can sing. I definitely have him as my front-runner; just ahead of Danny Gokey with the dead wife and the kid who went last on Tuesday, with Lil’ rounding out my Final Four. My main criticism of the show is that creepy blind guy. Sorry, but can somebody please get him a pair of sunglasses?? You didn’t see Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder staring at the audience all bug-eyed and confused. Seriously dude, rock some shades.

So the Red Sox signed Josh Bard, then dropped Josh Bard, and now the Nationals have picked Bard up. As a Sox fan living in DC, I'm pretty sure this wild ride is something that must be commemorated. How am I supposed to do it? Red Sox Jersey? Red Sox t-shirt jersey? Nats jersey? Nats t-shirt jersey?

-Josh Bard

Oh, this is a no-brainer. You buy both the Sox jersey AND the Nats jersey, cut them each in half and sew them together to make 1 jersey. OR you cut them in thirds and include your high school basketball jersey so you have a Triple Josh Bard jersey a la Big Daddy Smooth.

A few TV shows this year have really fallen off (Flight of the Conchords, Office) from their previous brilliance. Does this make you respect a show like the Wire even more for calling it quits at the top?

-Creed, Scranton PA

For the record I don’t think The Office has fallen off, I think they’re having a hilarious season. And I don’t smoke enough weed to enjoy FOTC, so I’m unaware of their decline. I will say that I think it is very easy for a great TV show to “jump the shark,” and I think The Wire will be remembered for ending at exactly the right time, and not trying to be something that it wasn’t. They knew the story that they wanted to tell, and told it in 5 parts. Most shows don’t have the ability to know the entire picture before they start painting; they usually make it up as they go along. Even a show like the Sopranos was all over the place at times, but The Wire got better every episode and finished strong. But to answer your question, the only thing that could make me respect the show more is if Lester Freamon invented a cure for cancer.

Keep 'em coming...sportsfanparadise@gmail.com.

Sports (Fan Paradise) Guy Mailbag

2009-03-31T10:16:00.003-04:00

Just in case you were wondering, there is no feud between me and Bill Simmons. He does his thing, I do mine. He has his style, I have mine. There is plenty of room in the world of sports blogging for both of us. Seriously, there is no competition. I don't know where people are hearing those rumors, but they aren't true.

In fact, I think that the Sports Guy mailbag is one of the best things going on the WWW. I am such a fan, in fact, that I think its time I emulated. Seriously, we have at least 20 readers here, right? Shouldn't I be able to get a couple dozen people to email me a question? Just because the same 3 idiots post on the message board doesn't mean there aren't others out there.

So here's the deal...email your questions (they can be about anything) to sportsfanparadise@gmail.com. Once I receive 20 I will post the first ever Sports (Fan Paradise) Guy Mail Bag. It will be a hoot.

If you have read this entire post and still aren't going to send in a question then you need to know that I'm kind of disappointed in you. Blogs are supposed to be interactive. Its a two way street. I would just twitter if I didn't want to engage with my fellowship.

Some guy makes fake Dharma Initiative magazine ads and posts them on Flickr like a champ...thanks to Pete Gett for the tip

2009-03-30T23:25:00.000-04:00

25 Most Influential Athletes of My Life

2009-03-27T09:35:00.015-04:00

Today is a very special day in the history of Sports Fan Paradise. Why? Well because the founder/editor/main contributor turns 25 years old. Yes, I know, quite the milestone. It seems like just yesterday I was a struggling 22-year-old blogger with only a handful of readers. Today I would say I have two or even three handfuls, and for those I am grateful.

So with you few handfuls in mind I will postpone my celebrating and write a little something to commemorate the day. My reverse birthday gift to you is a list of the 25 athletes who have moved, inspired and influenced me over my first quarter-century. Now excuse me while I go practice for my karaoke performance(s).

#1 Bill Buckner
I was just 2 and a half years old when my father woke me up close to midnight on October 25th of 1986. Even though I was barely old enough to comprehend anything, he still wanted me to witness the Red Sox end their 68-year World Series drought. After they blew the game he feared that he had scarred me for life. Of course I didn't remember seeing the play, but my life as a sports fan would have been very different if Buckner had kept his glove down.

#2 Wayne Gretzky
#3 Michael Jordan
#4 Bo Jackson
This column from July of 2008 will tell you everything you need to know.

#5 Ken Griffey Jr.
Any good baseball card collector knows the first prized card that they possessed. For me it was a 1989 Upper Deck Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card. I haven't bought a baseball card since the '90s but I still remember what this one looks like. Too bad its value has gone down so much.

#6 Mike Greenwell
I only have 2 memories of 1st grade: Flirting with Jen Lincoln at recess and getting the Gator's autograph. Greenwell moved into a new house right next to my elementary school right around the time I began to love the Red Sox, so becoming my favorite player was easy. I began bringing a Greenwell baseball card into school everyday, just waiting for the walk home when I would actually have the balls to go up and ring his doorbell. Finally one spring day I grew a pair and my best friend and I went for it. He answered the door in boxers, a beater and a robe with a "Hey dudes!" and graciously signed autographs. Since that day I have come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the best left fielder in Sox history, but I have never said a bad word about him.

#7 The Ultimate Warrior
Nobody in the history of the WWF brought the same type of energy as the Ultimate Warrior. Like most kids I went through a Hulk Hogan phase, a Shawn Michaels phase, even an NWO phase. But in 1991 the Warrior was running wild and I was obsessed with wrestling. Looking back I don't think my parents should have let me watch.

#8 Larry Bird
It was just 2 weeks before my 9th birthday when my Dad took me to my first Celtics game. It would be the only time I would ever see Larry Legend in person, and he must of known that, because he scored 49 points and hit an insane 3-pointer to send the game into overtime (fast fwd to the 7:25 mark). They won, of course, but I missed the last play because everyone was jumping and cheering and I was like 4 feet tall. Still, it was one of the best sports moments of my life.

#9 John Valentin
Back in the Summer of '92 I was a little league shortstop idolizing a left fielder, which would have been fine except that the uniform numbers didn't go all the way up to Mike Greenwell's #39. That all changed at Fenway one night, when a 25-year-old kid freshly called up from Pawtucket knocked his first major league hit into left field. From then on Johnny V was the "middle infielder with pop in his bat" that I emulated, which is probably the reason my baseball career fell short as well. I would end up interviewing him years later when he was the hitting coach for the Binghamton Mets and I was an intern at Newschannel 36 in Elmira, and he was nothing but a class act. I told him I was there when he made his debut and said that maybe I'll also be there when he makes his Red Sox coaching debut. Somebody call up Francona.

#10 Mo Vaughn
Say what you will about the Hit Dog, when he was good he was good. Steroids? Probably. Cocaine? Ecstasy? Definitely. But nobody ruled the Pesky Pole, or the Foxy Lady, quite like Big Mo.

#11 Danya Abrams
So what if this Boston College stud power forward never made it big professionally? He was my coach at Jim O'Brien's Summer Basketball Camp when I was in 4th grade and he was the man. Looking back it was probably not a great idea to put a 19-year-old with NBA dreams in charge of a dozen 10-year-olds, but we certainly had fun, except when he made me do wall-sits for an hour for beating him in knock-out. That sucked.

#12 Ryne Sandberg
I'll be honest, I can't for the life of me remember watching the real Ryne Sandberg play an actual game. He made this list for one reason and one reason only: RBI Baseball 3. RBIB3 is, in my opinion, the greatest baseball video game of all time. It belongs on the Mount Rushmore of sports video games right alongside Tecmo Super Bowl, NBA Jam and NHL '94. RBIB3 is especially near and dear to my heart because of the hundreds of hours that my brother and I logged playing that game from the time it came out in 1990 and consistently for an entire decade. I'm not kidding. We spent very large chunks of the summer writing out brackets and having RBI baseball tournaments against each other, drafting 8 teams each and playing until one team was victorious. During the first 5 or so years that team was usually the Oakland A's, with their 'roided-up roster and the unhittable Dennis Eckersley coming out of the 'pen, and it was always controlled by my brother. For some reason that was the unwritten rule, Steve got the A's and I got the Reds (which we had determined Cincy the 2nd best team in the game). The A's beat up on the Reds worse than Ike beat up on Tina, it was more of a rite of passage than anything else. Thankfully that all ended in the mid-'90s, mostly due to #23. We had included the Chicago Cubs in our field of 16 for the first time, and I was stuck with them in a 1-vs.-16 game against my brother and the A's. Sandberg ended up hitting 2 monster bombs over the Tengen scoreboard and Greg Maddux pitched a gem to get me that Game 1 victory. The 16-seed Cubbies rolled to the RBI Bowl XXIV title and quickly became my go-to team, with Sandberg the perienial MVP. I almost ventured to Cooperstown for his Hall of Fame induction ceremony, but felt that that may be taking the RBIB3 obsession a little far. A spot on this list is the least I could do.

#13 Drew McQueen Bledsoe
It took me far too long to embrace Tom Brady, and I admit that, but if the worst thing you can say about me is that I'm too loyal then I'll take it. Bledsoe was the face of the franchise for just under a decade and carried that team to a Super Bowl in '97.

#14 Paul Pierce
Before I loved Pierce in Celtics green I loved him in Kansas Blue. I adopted the Jayhawks after following their dirty '97 squad with Pierce and other future Celts Scot Pollard and Raef Lafrentz, and have liked them ever since. After having the pleasure of watching him play professionally for 10+ years I have no problem putting him on the Mount Rushmore of Celtics Greats (along with Bird, Russell and Red...Couz and Hav just can't handle the Truth).

#15 Mark McGwire
What? I'm serious. The '98 home run chase was the most exciting national sports phenomenon of my lifetime. I watched McGwire belt #62 the night before my first day of high school. How many moments in sports are so important that you remember where you were when they happened? Not many. We were naive to steroid use and the livin' was easy, it was a great time to be a fan and Big Mac owned the Universe.

#16 Pedro Martinez
From the 1999 All Star Game to the relief appearance against the Indians in the playoffs, there was no better pitcher EVER than Pedro Martinez. To be able to watch him at the top of his game was a freaking privilege.

#17 Ray Bourque
I'm not a huge hockey guy, but I sat across from Ray Bourque on a flight from Orlando to Boston the summer after he won the Cup with Colorado and he was a great guy, signing my hat and everything. 10 years after I rang Greenwell's doorbell, being friendly and giving an autograph is all a guy needed to do to make this list.

#18 Adam Vinatieri
Those 2 kicks against the Raiders set the tone for the dynasty. If he shanks one of them I am convinced the snowball never starts and the Pats never win a Super Bowl, let alone 3. Add the kick against the Rams and you have an instant legend. And I met him in Disney World and he had a hot wife and I talked to her about living in Needham and he didn't seem to mind, so that was cool too.

#19 Randy Moss
As a college freshman I played Madden 2003 for at least 2 hours a day. The Vikings were my team and I pwned everyone on my floor. Years before he would ever don a Pats jersey I was a huge fan of #84. That Culpepper-to-Moss deep post was unfuckingstoppable.

#20 Tom Brady
Forget the 3 Super Bowls, he proves that with a little hard work anything is possible. How else do you explain the fact that this guy landed this girl. Hard work folks. Lots of it.

#21 Dave Roberts
The Red Sox finally won the World Series during my 21st year (I know Dad, I had it easy). When I think of that team I don't think of the traitor (Damon), the self-righteous buffoon (Schilling), or the ex-Sox slugger that won't be spoken of (-----). No, I think about the guy who stepped up when we were down to our final out and stole the base that would be a microcosm of the entire series. The Dave Roberts era was far too short, but it was the best of all the eras.

#22 Big Papi
I wanted to make sure I included David Ortiz in this list. While his skills could possibly (but I hope not) be diminishing, we need to recognize the fact that his run of dramatic walk-off bombs was 2 of the best years ever as a Sox fan.

#23 Derrick from the RW/RR Challenges
To call Derrick scrappy is an understatement. This guy is the definition of a competitor and is an inspiration to undersized athletes everywhere. This guy has won more Duels, Gauntlets and Infernos than I can ever count, and he was the underdog in most of them. From all of us guys under 5'10'': Thank you, Derrick, for giving us someone to look up to that isn't Bob Costas or Harrison Ford.

#24 Brian Westbrook
Public Service Announcement: Don't let fantasy football take over your life or you will end up putting the Running Back from a team you hate on a list of the most influential athletes in your life.

#25 Kevin Garnett
The Celts raised #17 during my 25th year, and for this we can thank Kevin Garnett. This commercial is still one of my favorites because it totally captures the way we all felt when the Big Ticket came to town.

Shawn Johnson Has A(nother) Stalker

2009-03-26T10:02:00.003-04:00

LOS ANGELES -- A restraining order has been issued against a man authorities say tried to break onto the Los Angeles set of "Dancing With the Stars" to meet Shawn Johnson.

Robert O'Ryan arrested by the LAPD yesterday. Court documents show O'Ryan was stopped by security at CBS Studios, where "Dancing With the Stars" is produced, after he jumped on a fence on Monday afternoon.

Police later searched his car and found two guns and duct tape.

The records state that he told security guards and police that he packed up all his belongings and traveled to California from Florida in the hopes of being with Johnson.

The 17-year-old Johnson is a gold medalist in gymnastics and one of the celebrity contestants on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars."

Yup. That seems about right. Maybe if ABC stopped parading around underage girls in skimpy clothing they would get less stalkers coming to the studio. Just a thought.

Reactions from Weekend of March Madness

2009-03-23T00:43:00.002-04:00

I haven't worked in the four days and shaved in the last eight. I've shoveled down more buffalo wings and Bud Lights than I want to declare. I have left ass impressions in bar stools across DC. The tangible results? One commemorative pint glass, a couple extra pounds, a bracket at the bottom of every pool I'm entered in, and face full of nasty stubble. Picture me as the unemployed Ron Burgandy, without the stale milk.

Besides general malaise, my mini-vacation can be characterized by pretty consistent intoxication and almost as consistent disappointment in the games (mostly the results). I've lost a lot of close games, a few blowouts, and many in between; ESPN has even told me that my bracket in the 13th percentile, which is below George W. Bush's approval rating and dipping into weatherman success territory. Perhaps the only thing I'm still qualified for in regards to the tournament is reactions, since few people have logged the hours I have with CBS. Here are some thoughts:

-The number one seeds all look pretty good. They've had some scares but their recoveries and finishing of games (Louisville over Siena, UNC over LSU, Pitt over OKState) are what make them the best four teams.

-If you have a five seed, let's go ahead and just book your ticket as a two day round trip.

-The team that needs this five day break the most has to be Kansas. Two hideously ugly wins for them, and a few practices is exactly what Bill Self needs. If they didn't get Dayton today, I don't think they'd still be around. Dayton was so bad that Obama would have described their performance as Special Olympic inspired.

-More on the Obama front, his bracket is mediocre, but what would be more impressive: Obama nailing every single game of the tournament or solving the Middle East Peace Crisis and the economy problems?

-Biggest letdown had to be Western Kentucky not getting back on defense after tying Gonzaga in the final seconds. How does that happen? Where was that guy from the Buffalo Wild Wings commercial to shoot off the flashbulb and send the game to overtime?

-Speaking of which, BWW had more commercials since Thursday than Foxwoods has during an entire Red Sox season. Even Tyler Perry's House of Payne thought it was overkill. Honorable mentions to Cingular's dad with the cameraphone, Burger King breakfast shots, Captain Morgan's douchey "four guys" (please tell me which bar in American doesn't charge a group of four dudes for drinks).

-Some superlatives: Best ending- Siena/OSU's 2OT shootout; Most dominating team- UCONN; Best tourney mantra- Jay Bilas' "A team's performance doesn't validate or invalidate its inclusion"; Best absence- Billy Packer; Best individual performance- ND State's Ben Woodside's almost one man takedown of Kansas; Best halftime distraction- PhotoHunt; Worst Site- tie between the empty American Airlines Arena in Miami and awkward Metrodome setup in Minneapolis.

-How bout the job CBS did at the end of the Sunday 5PM games? Maybe the only performance worse than West Virginia this week. They tossed us around between the Siena/L'ville, Mizzou/Marquette, and USC/MSU games like we were the LOSTies during the spinning donkey wheel and white flash debacle... except that we were constantly stuck in the most inopportune moments.

-The only way to describe Marquette's Lazar Hayward stepping on the line during an inbounds with 5.5 seconds left: A-Rodian. (Also special shout out to Marquette's coach Buzz Williams for looking like a bald version of Shaun of the Dead actor Nick Frost)

-A storyline you should but won't hear about is that of the four mid-major at large bids, two of them lost in round one and another was embarrassed in the second round, all by major conference teams (BYU to A&M, Butler to LSU, and Dayton to KU, respectively). I love what Bilas said about performance's unparalleled relationship to validation but there were lots of people upset about the lack of mid-majors in the tourney and we'll see if this is delved into this week.

-Looking ahead, we have some awesome match-ups for the Sweet Sixteen, how do you pick a favorite? Cuse/Oklahoma? Mizzou/Memphis? Duke/Nova? Kansas/MSU?

Back by popular demand! Get ready to take a Friday Morning Dump

2009-03-20T11:33:00.002-04:00

The popular sentiment regarding the Morning Dump was similar to Drunk Katie's reaction to a Beirut double-up: BRING IT BACK BITCHES!!!

So while I'm trying to figure out how to get the Boss Button to work on the blog, enjoy some links. Bardo isn't online so we're a little light this week. Feel free to email some good ones to sportsfanparadise@gmail.com

As usual, Sporcle delivered this week with quizzes including Celebrity Mugshots, "Number" Band Names, and even the Muppet Show theme song. But this quiz takes the cake. I was perfect on the SEC, ACC, Big 10, Pac 10, and Big 12, but the Big East tripped me up a bit. Good luck.

Not only does Ithaca crush Alfred in football, but we rock out to The Darkness a hell of a lot better than they do too.

The Dan Band could possibly be my favorite non-Bruce musical act. Here is their latest video.

Here is an interesting article about websites spawned by popular TV. Someday I hope to have a sitcom spawn from this blog. We shall see.

Speaking of HIMYM, is it possible that I have never posted the link for Barney's Blog? If so I apologize deeply.

Whit (Popcandy) is down at SXSW so she won't be posting L O S T reactions until Monday, but I'll throw a few thoughts around about Wednesday's episode:

- You all know I'm a big Sawyer fan, and as cool as he was 2 weeks ago, I'll admit that he was kind of a dick. BUT, in his defense, he has been running shit for 3 years and then Jack came back and thought he was going to be Captain Island again. Jack needs to chill the fuck out, read a God damn book, and maybe go bone Kate or something. Seriously, you're in the 1970s, you have no clue what the hell is going on. Not everything is a freaking mission.

- I know I'm in the minority but I like Sawyer and Juliet together. They have a good thing going. While Kate is undoubtedly hotter she is also a nutjob, and Juliet seems to have a better head on her shoulders. It should also be said that Juliet has larger breasts, ya know, for like tiebreaker purposes. I have no idea where they're going with Juliet's character, but Sawyer is clearly still in love with Kate.

- Why didn't Sun flash back with everyone else? I presume that Ben didn't because he wasn't orginally on the plane, and/or because he wouldn't have been able to coexist with the 1977 Ben. Was Sun born on the island? Was she that Asian baby in the first scene of Season 5?

- I'm contimplating getting a Frank Lapidas poster for my cubicle. Is there a more likable character on the show?

-How did Ben get his ass kicked after Sun knocked him out and before Locke sees him with the rest of the wounded?

-Now that we know that the island brought Locke back to life it is clear that Christian is as alive as any of them. Is he living with Claire? Is he talking with Jacob? Is he Jacob? Is he more special than Locke? Andy has been saying all along that he is the key to the show, and I'm starting to agree.

HAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS? HIT UP THE MESSAGE BOARD, I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK.

Picture of the week:
Oh yeah, they're Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers. I submitted this to This Is Why You're Fat a week ago but they haven't posted it yet.

March Hotness

2009-03-19T00:09:00.014-04:00

So far 33 have people signed up for our pool. We didn't get as many entries as the Deadspin group, or the faculty at Lawson High for that matter, but I'm satisfied. LET THE BLOGGING CONTINUE!

In past years I have filled out numerous brackets and hoped for the best, but I hated rooting for one team in one bracket and their opponent in the other. Like the dude with too many fantasy football teams, I was That Guy. This year I decided to make one set of amazing picks, Mike's Bracktastic Repeat, and ride them on the blog and in my office pool. I picked the correct Final Four and winner last March and I plan to do the same this year, but that isn't to say this was an easy bracket to fill out, and I'd be lying if I said that the Midwest Region hasn't been haunting my dreams.

But all that is behind me, as we're minutes from tip-off and everything is locked in. So now it's time to have some fun. If you go to the SFP group on ESPN's Tournament Challenge you'll see that I have actually entered 3 brackets: mine, President Obama's, and finally a bracket where the school with the better looking girls advanced. If you thought the real brackets (where you pick which basketball team is superior) brought on a lot of debate you should have seen the war room when we decided on this one. Between Facebook, Playboy's college issue, my experience and the intern's due dilligence, we filled out all 63 games and have a solid argument for each team that advanced. I will skip ahead to the Elite 8, but feel free to argue in the comment section.

MIDWEST:
Arizona over USC
This one was difficult because both schools absolutly BRING IT in the tail department, but in the end it came down to why you would go to either school. We thought of 5 solid reasons to attend USC, but only 2 for 'Zona, the top one being the fine fine talent.

WEST:
Cal over UT-Chattanooga
The Chattahoochies put up a solid fight, but CAL has Allison Stokke. Game over.

EAST:
Texas over Florida State
I'm as big a Jenn Sterger fan as anyone, but lets face it, her time has come and gone. Texas wins because of their depth, and because the girls seem to actually care about sports, not just getting photographed.

SOUTH:
LSU over Arizona State
ASU is definitely the party school to end all party schools, but thanks to the blog formerly known as SECPoon.com I have become quite partial to Tigers.

Blogging is temporarily suspended until more people sign up for the Sports Fan Paradise group at ESPN's Tournament Challenge.

2009-03-18T13:37:00.001-04:00

Let the Madness Begin

2009-03-16T10:22:00.007-04:00

Think you know college basketball? Time to step up and show us what you got.

Go to ESPN's Tournament Challenge, fill out a bracket and join the group "Sports Fan Paradise."

If you are unable to successfully sign up and find our group then we will assume you wouldn't have been smart enough to do well anyway.

There will be no money on this, since nobody ever pays up anyway. Just bragging rights, and lots of them. If blog immortality isn't enough to motivate you then I don't know what is.

-------- Update 3/17 ---------
Deadspin's ESPN Tournament Challenge group has 1711 members. We only have 11. If you're reading this please follow the above directions and sign up to support the blog that you obviously read. Even if you're a girl or you're old you can still participate in fun things, your life isn't over.

Oh Yeah? Well Prove It

2009-03-15T15:04:00.006-04:00

So I don't like Joe Lunardi, argued this week that his Bracketology is a sham... yadda yadda yadda. Now I am going to try to prove that anyone can do it, put my money where my mouth is. This could be a huge SOGB or could be a triumphant success . Obviously I am not using that Turdbuggler's chart nor any similar ones offered on cnnsi.com or sportsline.com. This is just me using the RPI index, team schedules, and a list of conference winners. I have also avoided ESPN all day, those talk-happy CBS projection shows, and internet predictors. I will post below this at around 5:30 when I get the last teams' games to finish, giving you 65 teams and their seeding. Hopefully this doesn't blow up in my face.

***UPDATE*** Timestamp 5:06 PM

I have been hiding out since you cant get away from bracket predictions. I tried watching OSU/Purdue but they wouldn't stop hypothesizing so I am not watching that now and instead putting in OSU/Purdue Winner and Loser based on how the game ends. I hope I didn't miss anyone glaring because I did this pretty quickly, but here goes...

1's: L'vill, UNC, Memphis, UCONN

2's: Pitt, Duke, Oklahoma, Mich State

3's: Mizzou, Wake, Cuse, Kansas

4's: Nova, Washington, Utah, OSU/Purdue Winner

5's: UCLA, FSU, Oklahoma St, Gonzaga (note- they should be worse but the committee loves them)

6's: Xavier, OSU/Purdue Loser, West Virginia, Illinois

7's: Sienna, Utah St, Clemson, Butler

8's: ASU, Temple, BYU, LSU

9's: USC, Maquette, Tenn, Tex A&M

10's: BC, California, Creighton, Texas

11's: Dayton, Minnesota, San Diego State, Michigan

12's: Cleveland St, Mississippi St, W. Kentucky, Maryland (UMD last in)

13's: ND State, American, N. Iowa, VCU

14's: Robert Morris, Akron, Binghampton, (Stone Cold) Stephen F. Austin

15's: Radford, Portland St, E Tenn St, Cornell

16's: Chattanooga, Morehead St, Morgan St, Alabama St, Cal State Northridge

Bubbles Burst:

+St. Marys (no way they deserve a bid for a soft schedule and 3 wins again top 100; sidenote- if I get burned I know it will be here, but I need a legit explanation on how they deserve it more than Maryland, Minny, or SDSU)

+Wisconsin (only 18 wins and an RPI of 45, thanks but no thanks)

+Illinois St (Beat Creighton 2 of 3, but swept by 201st rank Indiana St and 0 wins of tourney teams besides Creight)

The REAL Best of Boston: Part Deux

2009-03-13T11:44:00.001-04:00

Readers,

If you don't send me funny links I can't do a Friday Morning Dump. I just can't. It's not like I can spend all day scouring the internet for things that will make you laugh. Seriously, 1 thing a week from each of the 14 people who regularly visit this wonderful blog and we will have a Morning Dump. Until then, It looks like I will have to continue my Best of Boston series, which has been getting great reviews.

Sincerely,
Mike

Last week I pwned Boston Magazine by coming up with my own list of the best bars and restaurants in Beantown. As expected, it came out much better than their list and will probably be the gold standard until I put out another edition next year.

This week I will continue with the "Best-of" theme, but I think its time to branch out from Bos Mag's structured recognition system. Here are 10 more accolades that you won't find anywhere else, at least not all in the same place.

Best Pizza: Pizzeria Regina (Thatcher St, North End)
I have loved Regina's since before I could remember, and to this day I have not devoured a better pizza. If you hear somebody say its overrated its probably because they got a lukewarm slice at one of the satellite locations at Quincy Market or South Station. Listen, if you think you can experience incredible pizza in a fucking food court then you're a moron and don't even deserve one of their pies. There is usually a line outside, especially in the summer, but if you're a party of 2 you should poke your head in and see if there are any seats available at the bar. Most tourists wait for tables, but the bar is the only place you can watch the Sox game and the best place to get your pitcher of Sam's Summer refilled promptly. Plus, the pizza comes out faster anyway. Win-win-win.

Best Clam Chowder: Union Oyster House (Faneuil NW)
I'm love my chowda but I would not consider myself an expert. A lot of people like Legal Seafood and other restaurants, but UOH made the list because its also a legit bar and historical landmark (est 1826). It has location going for it, situated across from Bell in Hand and right on the Freedom Trail, and its a perfect place to drop in and have a snack.

Best Steak & Cheese Sub: Al Capone's (Summer St)
Screw Philadelphia. You heard me. I've been there. Nothing compares to a 20-incher from Capone's. I get it with cheese/peppers/onions, and sometimes throw chipotle BBQ sauce on there for a kick, but how you order it is up to you. Don't be afraid to customize, the lady who makes them is much friendlier than the assholes at Pat's or Gino's. If you can kill a 20-inch sub along with 2 slices of buffalo chicken pizza I will let you into the Man Club. So far I'm the only member, but Big Sexy hasn't taken a shot at it so I won't brag yet.

Best Cold Sub: Al's State Street Cafe
Al's is always packed during lunch hour, but their crack team of sandwich professionals work quickly and keep it moving. They have an excellent Italian sub and the lunch special with a drink and chips is one of the best deals in the city.

Best Breakfast Sandwich: J. Pace & Sons (West End)
Again, this is a hands-down winner. Get a fried egg and cheese with either sausage, bacon or ham (I recommend sausage) on a muffin, bagel or croissant (I recommend a bagel, since its the only thing that can contain this mammoth beast). Throw in a Gatorade and your hangover is gone.

Best Butcher Shop: McKinnon's (Davis Sq)
This should tell you everything you need to know about McKinnon's: It is more crowded on a Saturday morning than Daisy Buchanan's is on a Saturday night and 10 times more difficult to navigate. Their deli counter is decent (B/B+) but what sets them apart is their low prices on high quality meat. You end up paying twice as much at Shaw's and 3 times as much at Whole Foods. The crown jewel of McKinnon's, however, is their house marinated steak tips. There, I said. Those tips had been my go-to move for 2 summers, my ace-in-the-hole. You want everyone at a barbecue to like you? Bring McKinnon's house tips. That simple. The word delicious doesn't even come close to describing the taste. Ecstacy-laden orgy in your mouth is more like it. McK's is without a doubt Greater Boston's greatest meat market (well, besides Tia's on a Thursday of course).

Best Lesbian Bar: Razzy's (Somerville Ave)
Q: Why would anyone want to go to a lesbian bar?
A: Because they have cheap pitchers of Ithaca Apricot Wheat and free unlimited popcorn.

Best Smoothie: Robek's (Financial District)
There is no better snack to keep you going through the day like a Robeks smoothie. They have a ton of flavors (I recommend Strawnana Berry, Guava Lava or the Hummingbird) and they throw in a "power boost" with each drink. If you're not a coffee drinker and eat lunch early this is the perfect 3:00 pick-me-up. Aaaaaand that was probably the queerest paragraph I've ever written on this blog. Lets move on.

Best Cover Band: The Zoo (@ The Harp, March 20th & 21st)
The Zoo BRINGS it. Always a great mix of rap-turned-rock, classic rock, 90s rock and dance rock. Even if you had mono you would have a great time at their show, and like I said in Part 1 the Harp is always a good time. They also do a Zoo Cruise around Boston Harbor every August, and although I skipped it for a Sox game last year I heard it was an awesome time.
Runner up: The Swinging Johnsons (@ The Burren in Davis Sq every Thursday)

Best Strip Club: Zachary's (Cape Cod)
Awarding the best strip club in Massachusetts is like naming the best professional sports team in Seattle. They're either terrible or they have closed shop and moved to a better market. Zach's gets the nod simply because they aren't the most expensive (Centerfolds) and (somehow) aren't the sleaziest (Alex's). A day on the beach, a nice BBQ and then a late-night Zach's run makes for a solid summer day.

Bardatology: Why I Hate Joe Lunardi

2009-03-10T11:43:00.004-04:00

March Madness is the perfect storm of sports gambling, underdog rooting, school spirit having, competition. There's so many things to enjoy about the NCAA tourney that you can overlook the few pitfalls like the play-in game, which registers BCS levels of absurdity. There is just one thing the tournament buffet has to offer that I will not enjoy, my moral mortal enemy, Joe Lunardi (I don't think he knows yet though).

Lunardi shows up uninvited into our homes every February and March like tax returns and pneumonia. ESPN's resident Bracketologist is treated with the esteem of a founding father while having the personality and necessity of those white powdered wigs. For those not familiar, Lunardi created "Bracketology" or the methodology of predicting which 64 teams will earn spots in the brackets. In fairness, I will tip my cap to this application but that is where Lunardi's relevance should begin and end. Now Lunardi l urks on the interweb prognosticating the bracket as his expertise sees fit. Want to know if your team will make the cut? Well Lunardi has the remarkable answer.

Oh yeah, except for that pesky little part about how every time a college game is played, the future March landscape is changed (think Back to the Future 2). No sweat to J-Lu, he will just re-write (don't be fooled by the fancy word 'update') his bracket to make up for it. Sounds fancy! So lets apply this: when in December, as Georgetown stormed out to a 10-1 record, Joe slated them in for a 2 seed. Then the Hoyas stumbled through the rest of the season (6-12!!) and of course Lunardi bailed on them quicker A-rod bailed on cousin Yuri.

So what am I trying to say? Lunardi is the thing we hate the most about sports, he's a bandwagon jumper. Maybe its not his fault as much as it is the hyped up system he created, a momentary snapshot of an intricate and finicky process. His job is to tell us what we know, who is currently good and who isn't currently good; he just squeezes it onto a chart, big whoop. Why tell us where Duke fits in with six games to go when those six results will inevitably change their RPI ranking, their spot in the standings, and six other team's win-loss records? Furthermore, why should we respect a man who's accountability is non-existent thanks to web-updating?

And as Selection Sunday gets closer, Lunardi has the ability to re-do it to cover up gaffs. He's not an analyst, he's not an expert, he's simply a March Madness weatherman. He's predicts what will happen and then report what does. During this championship week, he'll probably release a new bracket every day. Where is the talent in seeing Chattanooga knock of College of Charleston and then sliding them into the tourney? Anyone with a newspaper and an eraser could pull that off.

Recession Moneyball: Sox Sign Lester

2009-03-09T11:19:00.010-04:00

Mark Teixeira + CC Sabathia + AJ Burnett = $50 million in '09 alone.

Kevin Youkilis + Dustin Pedroia + Jon Lester = $14 million in '09.

Hmm...interesting. You know what this means to me? This means the Sox have $36 mil to blow. Seriously, we signed our 3 best players for a total of $14,000,000 in '09, and it took the Yanks more than 3 times that to bring in less talent. And that fifty that they dropped on these overpriced free agents doesn't count the money they spent on their 2 most expensive commodities, an injured A-Roid and a declining Derek Jeter. But the rest of the roster aside, I think that the Sox owe it to themselves to have some fun with the money that they saved. The SFP intern has been busy all morning figuring out a list of cool things that the team can do with the cost differential. Here are his best ideas:

- Book the Real World Suite at the Palms in Vegas for the next 26 years.

- Hire George Clooney and Brad Pitt (at $18 mil each) to star in Francona's 11, a summer blockbuster heist movie in which Tito and his crew steal a division title right out from under the nose of Hank Steinbrenner. Hideki Okajima to play himself as the flexible Asian.

- Buy Mark Wahlberg's house

- Charter a private jet to fly from Boston to LA and then return the next day. Then do it everyday for four years.

- Buy out every seat in the new Yankee Stadium for every home game from opening day until mid-May, and then give them to Sox fans. Or just burn them. Either way, it insures that the Yanks won't have a home field advantage until A-Fraud gets back. At that point we can let the New York fans back in since they boo him better than we do.

- Go to Alex's in Stoughton and buy 20 lap dances a day for the next 100 years for you and 4 of your buddies

- Eat a McDonald's Filet'o'Fish sandwich for every meal for the next 1,000 years.

- 36 million treks on Big Buck Hunter.

Good list by The Intern, but how about this? We could take that $36 mil and cover the salaries of Jonathan Papelbon, Dice-K, Jacoby Ellsbury, Justin Masterson, Jason Bay, Jed Lowrie, Brad Penny, Rocco Baldelli, Hideki Okajima AND John Smoltz.

Thats what I call a business model.

The REAL Best of Boston

2009-03-06T09:49:00.008-05:00

In lieu of another Morning Dump of funny and irreverent links, which I think should become a bi-weekly thing, I have decided to treat you guys this Friday. Usually I mail it in on the last day of the week, by posting shit Bardo sends me or doing a wrestler/athlete lookalike game. But not today my friends, not today.

I was sitting at Cosi the other day, minding my own Signature Salad (I can't wait for this weight-loss competition to be over), when I glanced over to the abandoned table next to me and spotted an old issue of Boston Magazine, the 2008 "Best Of" edition. Figuring it was up for grabs, I started leafing through to see what these so-called experts had decided on as the best things in my city. Not surprisingly, I didn't agree with most of their selections. While these people get paid to know the Hub, and I'm sure spent a lot of time researching their choices, it still didn't sit well with me, since I felt like it wasn't exactly written for my demographic.

So that, my friends, is why I have decided to step up and provide you with a list of awards you can live by. Over the last 2 years I have spent way too much time and money frequenting establishments and experiencing Boston to let my knowledge go to waste. So here you go, I think I'll call it The Best Of Boston For Fun People In Their Mid-20's Who Make Less Than $100k.

Best Sports Bar
BoB: The Fours (Canal St)
SFP: Baseball Tavern (Boylston and Yawkey Way)
The Fours has been anointed "Best Sports Bar in Boston" by the likes of Sports Illustrated, so I'm not surprised that Boston Magazine also jumped on the bandwagon. First, I'll say that the food at The Fours is pretty good, and the location is perfect, right on Canal St by the garden. That said, this isn't the 1980s when the Celtics and Bruins ruled this town. Sure, both teams are in first place, but when you play in Boston you're supposed to be in first place. Despite the recent success of the Celts and Pats, Boston is and always has been a baseball town (with the slight exception of the Bird years). The Fours has the oldest patrons of all the bars near the Garden, and it is way too expensive.

Baseball Tavern, on the other hand, is the anti-Fours. It is relatively new (renovated at least) and has a much younger crowd. Sitting 2 blocks away from the hustle and bustle of the Cask'N'Flagon/Game On area, there isn't usually a line until a half hour before game time. The Tavern features 2 main floors, with the best LCD TVs on the market and long bars that make it easy to get a beer. There is always a good mix of hot girls and die hard fans, making it the best place outside of Fenway Park to watch a Sox game, or any sporting event for that matter. The bar's greatest feature, however, is their roof deck. Open from April to October, the Tavern's deck is probably my favorite place to be when the sun is out. Go to pre-game or stay for an entire afternoon, the Corona's go down easy and the fried clam platter is tough to beat.

Best Dive Bar
BoB: TC's Lounge (Back Bay)
SFP: Sidebar (Bromfield off Tremont)
TC's is the size of my freshman year dorm room and filled with freaks and hippies.
As for Sidebar, it has everything:
Location: Check. (40 yards from Park St T)
Cheap Beer: Check. ($2 pints of Bud and Bud Light, $7 pitchers).
Cool People: Check. (Especially on Fridays when the after-work crowd rocks the place from 5-10.)
TouchTunes: Check.
Buckhunter: Check.
Need I say more?

Best Trivia Night
BoB: The Druid (Cambridge St.)
SFP: Coolidge Corner Clubhouse
The Druid is famous for the best outside-the-box trivia, i.e. not restricted to the rules of Stump! or other trivia brands. The problem with the Druid is that it is in Cambridge, home of MIT, Harvard, and losers who stay in on the weekends but hit up a trivia game a night from Mon-Thurs. Thats the thing with doing trivia in Cambridge, you'll get your ass kicked every time.

Thats why I like CCCH. Its an excellent sports bar with a huge menu (the chicken fingers are terrible, other than that you're golden), and their trivia is fun and unique, thanks to host Morgan White Jr. Instead of getting in teams and writing down answers to pre-determined questions, Morgan does things differently. He simply walks around the bar asking people to shout out categories, then asks 3 or 4 questions and rewards the smartest table with a Sam Adams t-shirt or Smirnoff hat. The best thing is, he comes up with the questions off the top of his head. For 2 hours you just fire categories at him and he makes it his mission to stump the person who asked for it. Its fun, laid back, and you usually leave with some sort of prize, as opposed to watching the team of Cambridge dorks walk out of the bar with $100.

If you do want to do Stump! trivia, however, let me recommend Wednesday nights at White Horse on Brighton Ave. Its a huge game and they have really cheap food deals.

Best Pickup Bar
BoB: Beehive (South End)
SFP: Daisy Buchanan's (Newbury & Fairfield)
My apologies to Bos Mag, but I think they may have missed my niche on this one. No offense to those who do pick up people in the South End, but I'm not gay. Not that theres anything wrong with that, but if I'm going to pick someone up it is going to be at a place overflowing with impressionable women, not male hairstylists who like my eyelashes.

After a long internal debate I settled on Daisy's. The beer is relatively cheap, if you don't mind High Life, and the music is strictly classic rock, and not so loud that you can't have a conversation. Daisy Buch's is the rich man's dive bar, conveniently located on Newbury St. in one of Boston's classiest areas. It is probably the best non-club to go if you're looking to rub shoulders with local athletes, as it has become a Red Sox hangout since the days of Kevin Millar, Johnny Damon and the unforgettable and equally undeniable Curtis Leskanic. I personally met Junior Seau there, but don't try and buy him a High Life. What does this have to do with picking up girls? Simple. Jonathan Papelbon only has 4 extra seats in his Escalade, and somebody needs to take home the rest of the barely-21-year-olds that frequent this spot. Yes folks, the easiest way to pick up girls is to be older and smarter than they are, and Daisy's is notorious for letting in the rookies. Case closed.

Best Dance Club
BoB: Gypsy Bar (Boylston by the Alley)
SFP: TIE! Phoenix Landing (Central Sq) and The Harp (Causeway)
I'm sure Gypsy Bar is nice, but any place with velvet ropes, douchebag bouncers and Brody Jenner-hosted parties is not for me. I prefer to go to a place that doesn't judge me, and take it from experience, Phoenix Landing does not judge ANYBODY. A weird looking DJ spins techno, classic rock, and 80's hits while dorky guys trying to get with desperate girls. Go in with a group of fun people and you can take the place over. The shots are pretty reasonable, which is good because theres nothing like a little Jager before busting a move to "Like a Prayer."

I threw the Harp on here too, mostly because The Landing is a very acquired taste, and if you're going out to meet attractive girls you may leave the Mass Ave warm spot a little disappointed. The Harp is good because it always delivers, a very Ripkenesque good time. They boast a solid blend of quality (hot girls), quantity (lots of them) and a friendly dance floor (downstairs is better than upstairs). The Bud Lights are about $6 each, which adds up when you need them for hydration after dancing all night, so don't go unless you're ready to spend $100 ($12 if you're a girl). Another knock would be the long line after 10:30 and the $5 or $10 cover charge, but if you plan to spend the entire night there its worth it, especially when the Zoo is playing, since they're the most fun cover band in town.

Best Irish Pub
BoB: Brendan Behan's (JP)
SFP: An Tain (Financial District)
Conveniently located in the heart of the financial district, An Tain is a dive that is Irish in name and because there are typically at least 2 actual alcoholics at the bar, no matter when you go. I go there for the friendly service, the free shots of Dr. McGillicuddy, and the dollar drafts. In that order.

And I've never been to Brendan Behan's I just don't want to go all the way to JP to get drunk.

Best Bowling Alley
BoB: Sacco's Bowl Haven (Davis Sq)
SFP: Kings
Is Kings always too crowded? Yes. Is it overpriced? Grossly. But its real bowling, with the big balls, and they have like 4 full bars. I love my city as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong. I love the chowder, the sports, confusing street layout, all the things that make Boston Boston. But candle pin bowling sucks. God was not paying attention when he created it. There is only 1 thing that could make candle pin bowling fun, alcohol, yet Sacco's doesn't have a license. Sorry, I can't find an upside.

Best Live Music Club
BoB: Paradise Rock Club (Comm Ave by BU)
SFP: The Middle East (Central Sq)
Everyone knows I'm not a music guy, so I'll save the analysis. Both are fun places, but Middle East gets better acts and Paradise smells like vomit. Although I did see a Bruce cover band rock the shit out of that place a few weeks ago, I'm going with the Cambridge main-stay.

Best Karaoke Bar
BoB: The Courtside (Cambridge St.)
SFP: Can't argue with this one since I booked my birthday party there.

Best Bar Menu
BoB: Bukowski Tavern
SFP: Cask'n'Flagon
The Tavern may have a good menu, but who goes to bars for the food? There are 2 huge problems with Bukowski. First off, its in Inman Square. Don't get me wrong, I love Inman, the restaurants are great. But face it, you're in the middle of nowhere. Its a 20 minute walk to the T in Central Sq and not a convenient cab ride if you want to get downtown. Secondly, the talent there is atrocious. The waitresses are beat, the bartenders and lesbians, and the clientèle looks like the cast in A League of Their Own, minus Geena Davis. If you're looking for fancy bar food, then fine, Bukowski is your place, but if you want to have a good time and potentially (gasp) meet somebody attractive, try somewhere else.

The Cask is not only one of the best places to go before/during/after a Sox game (not #1 however, see: Baseball Tavern), it is by far the most popular. I gave it the nod here because its food is better than any other place in the Landsdowne/Yawkey area. The wings are solid (for Boston), the steak tips are solid (for anywhere), and the burgers are like Jason Bay (never a disappointment). But the real reason they made this list is because of their enormous nacho plate. Yes, folks, forget about Mexican restaurants, C'n'F has the best in the city.

Best Italian-Affordable
BoB: Trattorria Toscana (Jersey St)
SFP: Giacomo's (North End)
Believe it or not I wasn't nominated for this category...maybe they thought I was too expensive...I dunno. Either way, I was shocked that Giacomo's got slighted in this category. The food is both cheap and delicious, and located in the heart of the North End, while Toscana is in Back Bay. Who wants to go to the Back Bay for Italian when you can go to Hanover St? Makes no sense. Giacomo's is intimate (OK, its pretty small), with an excellent atmosphere. The wait staff is old-school Italian, which means not necessarily friendly, but they're great if you know how to talk to them (i.e. not a timid tourist expecting someone to explain the menu to you). The only knock on this North End fixture is that they don't take reservations and there is almost always a line. My recommendation: Go early, go when the weather is nice (since the lines spills outside after 4 people), and chill out; they turn over tables faster than A-Rod goes through syringes.

Best Romantic Restaurant-Affordable
BoB: Grotto (Beacon Hill)
SFP: Ivy (Commons)
I am not going to rip BoB's choice, since Grotto is both classy and affordable. If you find yourself dating a girl from the Hill then this is a great spot to look like you know what you're doing but aren't trying to hard. Still, I need to give Ivy some props for one main reason: Tapas. Not the typical Spanish kind, but Ivy offers an "Italian-inspired-American" menu of small plates. They encourage you to get 2 or 3 plates per person and share, which is a great way to get to know someone and have a fun, interactive date. Another great feature is their affordable wine menu, with 50+ bottles all priced at $26. Its also right near the Park St T stop, so instead of springing for a cab you have more money to spend up the street at 21st Amendment.

Best Barbecue
BoB: Blue Ribbon Bar-B-Q (West Newton)
SFP: Redbones (Davis Sq)
This one isn't even close. I'll break it down simply: 1) Redbones has better food and bigger portions, 2) Redbones has a bunch of cool beers and an awesome bar downstairs, 3) The staff at Bones is hilarious and awesome, and 4) Who wants to go to West Newton?
The best order at Redbones is the Triple-whatever, with Memphis, Arkansas and Kansas City ribs, and the buffalo shrimp appetizer is excellent.

Best Diner
BoB: Deluxe Town Diner (Watertown)
SFP: Zoe's (Harvard Sq)
I'll admit I'm biased since Zoe's is so close to la Casa de Western, but who wants to wake up hungover and drive all the way to Watertown? Zoe's is right on Mass Ave before Harvard Sq, and offers a full menu all the time. Do you feel like eggs Benedict and pancakes at 11:00 at night? Bam! Eggs and cakes at 11! Did you wake up with a craving for chicken, broccoli, ziti alfredo and potato skins? Bam! chix-broc-zeet-'fredo and skins coming right up! Not to mention that they have like 100 flavors of frappes to choose from. Its a tad pricey for a diner, but its worth it.

Best Mexican
BoB: Tu y Yo (Somerville)
SFP: Border Cafe (Harvard Sq)
Is the food at Border better than Tu y Yo? I dunno, I'm not Mexican (at least not in the winter). I do know that the atmosphere at Border can't be beat, and the food is definitely decent-to-good. If you're looking to have a fun, casual first date or if you have a big group and are looking for rounds of margaritas and tequila shots, this is your place.

As for fast Mexican, I am still firmly on the Anna's Taqueria bandwagon and not looking to get off anytime soon. The chicken quesadilla with everything on it, which comes wrapped like a burrito, is simply heaven.

Best Soul Food
BoB: Coast Cafe (River St in Cambridge)
SFP: Coast Cafe
Finally we are on the same page. But there is really no denying this one. Order the fried chicken wing plate with 2 sides and cornbread (I recommend candied yams and mashed potatoes, but the greens and mac & cheese also deliver). I'll bet you a beer that you can't finish it in 1 sitting.

Economic Recession, Baseball Depression

2009-03-06T08:39:00.002-05:00

by Dave Fialkov, special to Sports Fan Paradise

I’ve written before about how our views in the world of sports and our views in the world of politics can often help inform one another. That’s because in a lot of ways, those two worlds are shaped by the same forces and thus suffer from the same types of problems. Two stories currently going those two worlds illustrate this point: For sports, it’s the ongoing baseball steroid scandal, and in the world of politics, it’s the fact that the entire economy is falling apart before our very eyes.

Whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not, 99% of people have very little control over their daily lives. I’m not talking about, say, what time they wake up or who they hang out with, but more of a big-picture type thing. The fact that, say, young people tend to rent their homes in more urban areas, and older folks tend to own homes in the suburbs. This situation has been so ingrained into the psyche of Americans by the “other 1%” that we accept it as though it is that natural order of things. It’s not.

Similarly, most people rarely see physicians more than one time a year, until they get sick, at which point they often have to see their doctor quite regularly. This also is something that we assume is the only way to do things, but it isn’t. In fact, citizens of most European countries see doctors far more regularly. They have “preventive” care and we have “reactive” care.

After the strike of 1994, Major League Baseball was eager to regain the interest of fans who had soured on the sport. As a result, a culture was consciously and intentionally created that allowed, indeed encouraged, the use of illegal performance-enhancing drugs in baseball locker rooms. 99% of people involved in baseball had nothing to do with this; it was thrust upon them. The 1% of people in the upper echelons of MLB management imposed the steroid culture on the rest of the sport. Everyday players that we now know took steroids were acting as any rational person in their situation would. They were manipulated by the “other 1%.”

They were like the people who try and fulfill the “American Dream” and buy houses they can’t afford. The 1% of people that control American life created economic and social incentives to entice people to buy their own houses. Financiers plotted ways they could profit off of everyday people: Tell people that it’s the “American Dream” for people to own their own homes, heaven-forbid older people rent homes like they do in many other societies. Take their money, and pass the “default risk” on to someone else. It’s their problem now. Everybody wins.

The baseball players that took steroids were also like the people that don’t see doctors regularly enough until after they are already sick. Insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies know that more money can be made in “reactive” care rather than “preventive” care, and the politicians they fund enact laws that facilitate that kind of system.

The public often doesn’t recognize the notion that most people have little control over these aspects of their lives, and this leads us to misdirect our blame and our anger. We get angry at the people who bought homes they couldn’t afford, we get angry at people who need taxpayer money for their medical bills, and we get angry at people like Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez.

Don’t get me wrong here, there is irresponsibility all around. Of course A-Rod and Bonds and Roger Clemens are scumbags for doing what they did and then lying about it. Of course there are people who KNEW buying a house with no down-payment was too-good-to-be-true, and of course there are people that don’t take care of themselves and then take public money to cover their medical bills. I’m not trying to excuse this.

But the 99% of people out there, like me and anybody reading this, shouldn’t lose sight of the big picture. We shouldn’t misdirect our blame from the true causes of the problems the worlds of baseball and politics are facing. Bud Selig, the baseball Commissioner who facilitated and encouraged the steroid culture, and the politicians and financiers who manipulated people for personal gain—the other 1%—are to blame.

Yet bizarrely, the other 1% generally end up okay in all of this, don’t they? Instead, the 99% of people out there—the defaulted homeowners and the steroid users—they face the consequences. Homeowners have to leave their houses and lose their jobs, but the financiers that profited off of them are still in their cushy offices trying to help fix the problem. Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have to go to court and face perjury charges, and Alex Rodriguez, clearly one of the most talented ballplayers ever to put on a uniform, has his legacy forever tainted, but Bud Selig is STILL the commissioner of baseball!

I hate A-Rod and Clemens as much as the next guy. Believe me, I hate them. I also hate that responsible citizens now have to foot the bill for the stupid decisions of defaulted mortgage payers. But it’s important to remember who’s really at fault here, and keep our eye on the ball.

LOST Episode: LaFleur

2009-03-05T22:09:00.003-05:00

Normally I think writing about LOST is like writing about religion; useless philosophy because everyone has a different interpretation of what they see. That's why the best LOST fan sites are filled with nuggets us regular people missed or one-liners with people's reactions and predictions.

That being said, last night's episode, "LaFleur" was unlike any other episode since that joke where Jack got his tattoos. "LaFleur" however, not only wasn't a train wreck, it was actually interesting. Seemed like LOST's version of a love story, but could have just as easily been a trippy version of Mad About You. And for its flaws, those who complain about getting slighted on prime character development in favor of sci-fi time travel, should have enjoyed it thoroughly.

Anyway, here are the quick one-hitters that stuck out to me. Use the comments for your own ideas/comments on anything "LaFleur"

-When Sawyer and Juliet kill the two others, Amy seems way more upset about the idea of having to bury the bodies than that her husband had just died. She was upset later when they had to give the body back. Odd set of reactions.

-At some point they mention that they are in 1974. The others who were victimizing Amy had pretty advanced walkie-talkies in their bags. Warrants mentioning.

-Um, its not like you didn't notice this either but, Juliet's cleavage is growing quicker than Walt did. In a related story, Juliet is clearly that girl with the self-esteem issues.

-Speaking of which, for all his layers (bad ass, romantic, con man, ladies man), its hard to take Sawyer seriously when we saw him wake up being cuddled as little spoon by Juliet. Lamest. Hero. Ever.

-Seeing the statue was cool, but no one watches to find out about the statue. Seriously if the show ends and we know about the four toes but not about the Hurley string of numbers or other big details about the main Lost-ies, methinks a refund is only fair.

-I read a theory about the lack of aging: That if you live in 2009 and go back to 1974, perhaps you don't age until you progress back to the 2009 day you originally left. When you reach that day, you would then grow at a regular speed. This could explain how Sawyer and company can look current now and still eventually make it back to '04 (show current day) without getting old. However this also could explain why Richard never ages, if we were to assume he's from the future and has always been time traveling. Faraday would probably have some answers for us if his mind didn't get swapped with Roman Polanski's in the last time change.

-If life for Sawyer and company were to continue uninterrupted on the island from here on out, wouldn't they die in the 1992 Ben-issued Dharma purge, and never make it back to current day?

-Seriously where the F are Rose and Bernard? My favorite characters (since the death of Mr. Eko) are harder to find than the island location. They weren't shown going to the freight in last years finale, they weren't shown in the fiery arrow attack, so why haven't we seen them yet this year?

Breaking News Alert

2009-03-05T10:48:00.001-05:00

A-Rod out 10 weeks for hip surgery!

Tom Brady to appear on an episode of HBO's Entourage!

Good luck finding that shit on espn.com at 10:48 AM

That Was a Crazy Game of Pick-Up

2009-03-03T22:54:00.005-05:00

Every now and then the karma gods smile down upon us and we are thrown into favorable situations. A teenage Will Smith got sent to Bel-Air, a paralyzed John Locke crashed on an island fully mobile, and I played in a memorable game of basketball.

I was recently invited to a pick-up game at the Verizon Center on the Wizards practice court, a pretty sweet score. For a basketball nut, an invite into any competitive game is like having a friend who bartends on a weekend, or a buddy who gives you the password to their porn account. After wayyy too much deliberation about whether to under-dress like Woody Harrelson or arrive geared-up much too seriously, I headed over to the game a tie-dyed hat short of looking like a complete tool. I subscribe to the belief that its always better to be underestimated.

The game was everything one could hope for: friendly, fast-paced, and loaded with free Gatorades. I was playing with guys and girls who worked for the Wizards and Mystics (the WNBA equivalent, if that weren't an oxymoron) on the practice court of a legitimate professional team. Two hours later most people were packing up and my connection had bolted a game ago. Since I didn't want to be the stranger who stayed at the party too long, it was time to go.

As I packed my bag I watched the remaining eight try to woo a couple of us back for one more full game. I offered my services if they could grab one more, a safe promise since everyone else was bailing, when I heard a new voice say "I'll fill in as tenth." There stood Gilbert Arenas, in practice garb, ball in hand. Gulp.

Next thing I know we were running it back, with Agent Zero (convenient nickname since he's logged 0 minutes for the Wiz all year) jogging up and down the floor with us. Since Arenas and I were on separate teams I made sure someone else was guarding him; I didn't need the guilt of accidentally causing further injury to the $111 million man. I wouldn't have been too embarrassed though, since Gil only jogged and attempted a couple shots, all while showing the defensive commitment of a paper mache chastity belt.

In the end we ran for 10 minutes with Arenas, who looked rusty and/or cautious, but was a cool guy. He gave dap to our good plays, or at least good plays scaled down for a curly, lanky left-hander. He was gracious, generous, and seemed to just be happy being on the court. It was a crazy game of pick-up.

Coming Soon...

2009-03-02T22:55:00.001-05:00

The Real Thing

Breaking News: Mike Vrabel Traded

2009-02-27T15:24:00.003-05:00

from Reiss' Pieces

When reached via email, Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel confirmed that he has been dealt to the Kansas City Chiefs, as first reported by the NFL Network.

In response to an email that asked, "Have you been traded to the Kansas City Chiefs?"

Vrabel responded with a one word answer: "Yes."

And so ends his eight-year career with the Patriots, which includes three Super Bowl titles and the only Pro Bowl berth of his career, which came in 2007, when he had 12.5 sacks, the most by a Patriot since 1987 and the most by a Patriots player under coach Bill Belichick.

3 things:

1) Mike Reiss is THE definitive voice on the Pats. Ron Borges can eat it.

2) Thank God my parents bought me a Richard Seymour jersey for Christmas, since I'd been rocking 50 for 5 years and thought I had a few more.

3) How long will it take for Belichick to sign Keith Brooking? 5 days?

Jen Lincoln Birthday Edition of the Morning Dump

2009-02-27T08:36:00.010-05:00

Tom Brady is off the market and the biggest headcase in NBA history just signed with the Celts, but that doesn't mean we can't HOLLA FOR SOME HOT LINKS!

Mr. Chi City got a parking ticket. This brotha can't catch a break.

Apparently Derek Jeter calls himself "DJ" on his college girlfriend's voicemail. Man this guy has it rough.

This is why you're fat. That entire site rivals but does not compare with best casserole ever posted on Morning Dump's past.

This is definitely the manliest way to stay warm during the winter.

Ever wonder how much it costs to put a hit on someone? SFP doesn't condone murder-for-hire but this is interesting.

Are you a shopping cart hero? Warning: Addictive.

Free SFP bumper sticker to anyone who can beat my record of 113. And no you can't use an entire ESPN production and research staff for help.

While we wait for my girl Whitney Matheson to post her 10-best Lost comments column on Pop Candy, check out this interesting article about the show's script coordinator. And also while we're waiting, here are some of my questions for you guys...

- Is this war that Widmore mentioned definitely between he and Ben? I think that they may be on the same side, but fighting for power (think Obama and Hillary). They both seemed to want the Oceanic 6 to have gone back, and they both seem somewhat aligned with Mrs. Hawking.

- Are Caesar and Ilana part of the war? They are definitely not random crash victims...they have an agenda.

- Who was the woman that went to the main island with Frank Lapidas? Sun? Wouldn't it make sense that she flashed to the island with Jack, Kate and Hurley? (Maybe not since Locke flashed to the small island).

- Is Walt like Desmond? Are his dreams really just memories? Remember Season 1...Walt is special. He is not done. Locke, Desmond, Walt, Aaron...these people are special.

- Frank landed that plane pretty well. Could he have used whatever part of the runway that the Others were building when Kate and Sawyer were captive?

- What time period are they in on the small island? Can it be different than the main island? WTF?

- Is Locke alive-alive, island-alive, or just alive if the time that the island has skipped to is before his the date of his actual death? Does this apply to Christian too?

-Can a brotha get a Jacob update? WTF?

But I digress...

Finally, what better way to start the weekend than to get BOSSCOCKED!

and the MD wouldn't be complete without a hilarious POTW:

Picture of the Week...Touche:
(Click to enlarge)

3 Hours Until the Sox, 11 Until L O S T

2009-02-25T10:05:00.005-05:00

With less than 180 minutes until the Sox take on the Mighty Eagles of Chestnut Hill in their annual Spring Training commencement game*, I felt that it would be appropriate to revisit the projected opening day roster.

* According to the Fish Scientist (BC alum and member of the Fenway Faithful), fans of both should be rooting for the adults. "Getting beat by the BC Eagles would not be a good omen for the season."

1. Jason Varitek - Good to have you back, Cap. Not the greatest negotiation of all-time ("$10 million?-No...Well, how about $5 mil- DEAL HOWIE!!!) but we'll blame Boras.

2. Josh Bard - If 'Tek stays healthy and Sports Fan Paradise really takes off, he could be the 2nd most famous Josh Bard in the Boston.

3. Kevin Youkilis - Just scroll down 2 posts. Apparently Enza has a "Mr. Slave-from-South Park" fetish.

4. Dustin Pedroia - When you already have a Rookie of the Year, MVP award and World Series ring by your 2nd season there isn't much else to do but try and play in all 162 games. For the sake of post-season legs I hope he takes a day or two off, but good luck to him.

5. Mike Lowell - I heard some schmuck on EEI saying that the pressure was on Lowell this season. Like most of their callers he was completely wrong. Even if Lowell doesn't return to his 2007 offensive form, he is still one of the best defensive 3rd basemen in the game. Plus, with the lineup they have he will be able to hit 7th and see good pitching. I predict a .300-25-85 season.

6. Julio Lugo - GM Mike would trade him to an NL team that needs a shortstop for a case of Miller High Life, eat most of his contract, make Lowrie the starter and try and resign one of the Alexs as a back-up. But it looks like he's staying so lets hope he can turn it around.

7. Jed Lowrie - Be patient young grasshopper.

8. David Ortiz - After saying that anyone who tests positive for PEDs should be suspended for a year, lets hope none of Papi's teammates come up dirty. I love the big fella but lets face it, he was garbage last year, especially in the playoffs. He needs to focus more on launching walk-off homers and less on dropping Schillingesque sound bites.

9. Jason Bay - I'm gonna start calling him Bertucci's until I can think of something more clever (and more Canadien). Why Bertucci's? Think about it. Have you ever had a bad meal at Bertucci's? No. They are pretty fucking consistent. Rarely is the food or service out-of-this-world spectacular, but have you ever left a Bertucci's feeling like you got ripped off? No. Just like you've never left Fenway thinking "man, Jason Bay sucked tonight." He is Mr. Consistency.

10. Jacoby Ellsbury - If we're going to talk about pressure, this is where it is. I can boldly say that we will not make the playoffs unless Ellsbury improves on his 2008 numbers. Sure, the 50 stolen bases were unheard of in Boston, but this isn't a track meet. His .280 batting average isn't going to cut it, especially when he had less than 10 homers and 50 RBIs. The most alarming stat, however, was his .336 on-base percentage. To put that in perspective, there were 19 guys in the AL East alone with better OBPs than our "lead-off hitter" last year ("" until he owns the spot). Hell, there were 5 Orioles with better OBPs. That won't cut it. Get on base Jake.

11. JD Drew - What's left to say? We pay him $3 million per playoff home run. Thats how the Drew Crew rolls.

12. Rocco Baldelli - Like I said in the last edition, mitowhateveritis scares me. But far be it from me to insult a Rhode Island kid the morning after the Providence Friars knocked off the #1 team in the country.

13. Josh Beckett
14. Daisuke Matsuzaka
15. Jon Lester
- Who wants to be the Ace? The Big Texan? The Dice-man? My moneys on Lefty.

16. Brad Penny - If reports are accurate, Penny is back to his 2007 form and in the best shape of his life. For you non-fantasy baseball geeks, that means 16-4, 3.03 ERA, 200+ innings pitched and banging Eliza Dushku. If he can duplicate that (and Ellsbury bumps his OBP over .400) I GUARANTEE we win 100 games.

17. Tim Wakefield - He can, should and probably will pitch until he is 50. He may be more of a mop-up guy come September, but I still say he is the most valuable Red Sox player of my lifetime.

18. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake - Pap wasn't as unhittable in '08 as he was in '07, but I'd still take him over any closer in the game. Yes, K-Rod, you are grossly overrated.

19. Justin Masterson
20. Hideki Okijima
21. Manny Delcarmen
22. Javier Lopez
- Is their something to be said for bullpen chemistry? I don't know. I do like the young core that we have out there, and I think that with some of the additions we have made (see 23 and 24), this will not be a weakness come post-season time.

23. Ramon Ramirez - There was a time when I would have traded Coco Crisp for a half can of Pringles. The fact that we were able to add a guy who had 21 holds with a 2.64 ERA last season is remarkable.

24. Takashi Saito - 39 saves in 2007 and a 1.95 ERA over his 3 MLB seasons. Let the race for official set-up man begin. Has our bullpen ever looked this good on paper???

25. John Locke - If Locke can act as a proxy for Jack's dad in Lost, he can also act as a proxy for John Smoltz. Of course there will be injuries, but when the team is healthy the 25th spot will be an interesting storyline. Will Jamie Kotsay's husband get the nod? Brad Wilkerson? Jew-Taz? I think Kotsay probably cracks the opening day roster with Clay Buchholz pitching down the Lou Merloni Highway trying to get his stuff back, but what do I know?

Whatever Happened to Abracadabra?

2009-02-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

So I was playing Sporcle this morning, minding my own business and dominating a category about band names, when I clicked on an interesting new quiz. It was titled "Can you name the most used computer passwords of all-time." Never one to not try new things, I gave it a shot, but only got four (123456, 12345, 1234, and qwerty). When I gave up and saw the results I was sort of weirded out.

Keep in mind that I have NO CLUE how they obtained this information, especially since "all-time" implies that these are the 20 most frequently used passwords in history, but this is supposed to be a list of the most common words or phrases that Americans can easily remember:

1. 123456
2. password
3. 12345678
4. 1234
5. pussy
6. 12345
7. dragon
8. qwerty
9. 696969
10. mustang
11. letmein
12. baseball
13. master
14. michael
15. football
16. shadow
17. monkey
18. abc123
19. pass
20. fuckme

OK. Well...this certainly gives us some insight into the American public, doesn't it. If you were an alien who just landed here and looked at this list you would be able to break down our society into 5 main groups based on these passwords...

Group 1: Idiots
Anybody who can't remember anything but pass, password, abc123 or a combination of 12345678 is officially a half-tard. I'm sorry. But if there is NOTHING about you thats unique enough to make your password then you should probably back away from the computer and go get a life. Think about how easy it would be to create hacking software with sequential combinations of 1-8, these people are just setting themselves up to get infiltrated. Actually, "abc123" was most likely the password for the CIP Device on 24 and thats why Dikembe Mutombo and Tony Almeida's ex-domestic terrorist boss were able to take control of every airplane and power plant in the country before they even ate breakfast. Just saying...throw your pet's name in there or something.

Group 2: Porn Addicts/Guys who will end up on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator"
I mean I know your password is supposed to be private and you're not looking to impress anyone with it, but who really thinks of "fuckme" or "696969" before they think of anything else? You know who? A whole heck of a lot of people apparently. Most of them are probably addicted to porn or have at least a borderline addiction, and assuming thats all they use the internet for I guess these are somewhat appropriate. And how creepy of a password is "shadow"? When I think of shadows in an internet conotation my mind keeps coming back to "places where pedophiles lurk." I have a friend whose dog is named Shadow, so maybe its just a popular password because its a popular pet name. Thats what I'm hoping. Either way, I'm SHOCKED that "pussy" ranked as the 5th most used password in history. Thats simply amazing.

Group 3: Fantasy Sports Geeks
It doesn't surprise me that "baseball" and "football" made the cut, since fantasy sports and online gambling are probably 2nd only to porn in terms of dominating web traffic. I'm a little surprised that "mustang" made the list, however, since 3 groups that I don't think would use a computer much are motorheads, cowboys, and Norwood High students.

Group 4: Dorks and Weirdos
"dragon" speaks for itself. Either you're still obsessed with D&D or you have immersed yourself into WoW. Either way you need to go get some fresh air. (Thats Dungeon's and Dragon's and World of Warcraft for those of you who fall into Group 5). While "master" might be derived from master password, it could still be wizard-speak. Same for "letmein". I see that and I just thinking about Danny DeVito in the season finale of Always Sunny, "you've gotta pay the troll toll..."

Group 5. Normal People
"qwerty" is a perfectly acceptable password. I know this because it was my AOL password from 7th grade until I stopped using AOL (sometime in college). It is (or was, until this list came out) obscure enough that nobody would guess it, but easy enough to do because it was conveniently placed from left to right on the top row. It was genius. I can guarentee that the likes of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were using "qwerty" back in the 80's. Also, "michael" is a perfectly acceptable password. Whether its your name, the name of your son, or the name of someone you idolize, "michael" is just flat-out solid, a memorable password for people who want to feel good every time the sign in to a website.

Best Facial Hair In Sports Nominee #4: Youk

2009-02-23T12:01:00.001-05:00

Friday Look-A-Like Game

2009-02-20T13:53:00.012-05:00

Besides Andy sending me this article about how the steroid dealer in The Wrestler is an actual steroid dealer in real life (I believe it because he fucking nailed that part), and Karaoke Craig dropping this gem, NOBODY sent me a link for the Morning Dump. I can't do this all by myself people, despite popular opinion I do in fact have a job.

So in the spirit of it being Friday and because I'm a little hung-over from my 2nd Bruce cover band show in less than a week, I decided not to write anything today. Instead, we're going to play a little game of athlete look-a-like, and today's focus is current and former wrestlers.

Don't like it? Start your own blog.

Val Venis vs. Aubrey Huff

John Cena vs. Justin Morneau

Fatu of the Headshrinkers vs. Troy Polamalu

Booker T vs. Corey Dillon

Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake vs. Jonathan Papelbon

L O S T Reactions

2009-02-19T10:04:00.003-05:00

SPOILER ALERT! Don't read this if you haven't watched last night's episode.

I was going to send this in a mass email to my Lostie friends, then decided I'd rather they visit the blog and rock out the comment section...so here ya go. Please object and counter:

- I LOVED that Locke/Jack/Oceanic 6 - Jesus/Doubting Thomas/Apostles parallel. I'm not very religious but I think that was genius. Ben telling the story about how Thomas was the hero, and the bravest of the 12 Disciples, until he doubted that Jesus could have truly rose from the dead, and it wasn't until he felt the wounds that he believed. Jack is always the brave one, and he got everybody to go back to the island (like Thomas got the Apostles to Judea) but it wasn't until he read the note that he completely believed. And it wasn't until then that they were able to return.

- Also, 12 Disciples: Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, Jin, Clare, Boone, Shannon, Michael, Walt, Charlie. (Thats a HUGE stretch, but those 12 and Locke were the original 13 cast members)

- I love Mrs. Hawking/Farraday's Mom. Ben, Richard, and everyone else just withhold info while she basically lectured us with fact after fact for 10 minutes.

- I love how this show set up the rest of the season: present day will probably be everyone on the island, figuring out what the fuck they're doing in the 1970s and whether or not they will continue to skip in time or whatever, and the flashbacks will be showing how the hell everyone made it back on the plane. We get to see Locke's whole ordeal next week, and then hopefully in the weeks that follow figure out who convinced Hurley to go back (Charlie?), how Sayid got arrested (or fake-arrested?), who fucked Ben up (Sayid?), what happened to Kate and Aaron (we he stolen? did she give him to Grandma?), who is that Arab dude (posing as Sayid?), what Sun did before getting on the plane, etc.

(I think that Ben, Hawking & Co. were trying to recreate the flight as best as possible. Locke as a proxy for Jack's dad, Sayid playing Kate's role as a prisoner with a federal marshal, then that random Arab dude maybe playing Sayid's role. But I don't know, thats random)

- I think that when Locke turned the wheel the island stopped in the 1970s. That would explain why Jin was dressed in Dharma gear and driving the van, and why Farrady was down in the mine/hardhat area in the premiere. Not sure what that means about Miles being Dr. Hanso's Asian baby though. Its possible that Sawyer, Jin, Juliet, etc. have been chilling in the 70s for the last 3 years (since thats how long it had been in "off-island" time since Ben first turned the wheel.

Here are the big questions that the show raised:

- Is the island always moving in time or just when they turn the wheel? I feel like it had been awhile since they last moved it and thats why Widmore was able to find it. That said, Hawking made it seem like it was always moving randomly.

- Who was the man who first figured out all the shit about the island moving? Widmore? She made it seem like he was the key.

Finally...

I LOVE Frank Lapidis

SFP Exclusive: Garden Dancer NOT Staged

2009-02-17T17:27:00.002-05:00

I was roadtripping down in DC and Philly for the last 5 days, so I'm a little behind. Barstool posted a jumbotron video of a kid going apeshit to Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer during a recent Celtics' broadcast. El Prez said that it looked fake, but it looked pretty real to me. The stoolie consensus on the message board was that it really happened (since there were many witnesses who were there) but that it was staged.

(Grammar Game!: I posted 5 compound words in the first 2 sentences. Only 2 of which are actual words. Which are they???)

Well, according to my source deep within the Celtics organization, the performance was as real as it gets. He said that if it were staged they would have done it again every night, since they run those things into the ground. They weren't able to track the kid down and he hasn't been back since, but the camera guys scan for him each game.

I think he looks like the redhead's son from Desperate Housewives, but thats just me.

Here's another link to the video if the Barstool link doesn't work.

Breaking News: Larry Izzo Juiced!

2009-02-17T08:15:00.000-05:00

Also, Wade Boggs drank beer!

Seriously folks, if there was ever a Boston athlete that showed all the obvious signs of 'roiding it was Izzo. He's like 5'2, jacked out of his mind, and was enough of a force on the kickoff squad to propel himself to be one of the team captains. Still, the Pats' version of Danny Bonaduce is one of my favorites. It goes to show that we don't hate Bonds and A-Rod because they cheated, we hate them because they're assholes who we hated anyway.

heres the article from ESPN.com:

New England Patriots special teams captain Larry Izzo is scheduled to testify for the prosecution in the perjury trial against Barry Bonds, which is expected to begin March 2 and last about a month.

According to media reports, Izzo will testify that he received performance-enhancing drugs from Greg Anderson, Bonds' personal trainer, in 2003 along with instructions and a schedule of how to use them.

"Mr. Izzo will testify that he was a professional football player and that he first contacted Greg Anderson by phone in approximately January 2003," the court filing by the prosecution says, according to The Boston Globe. "Mr. Izzo will also testify that he first met Anderson in person in approximately May 2003 at BALCO and submitted a urine sample at BALCO at Anderson's request. Mr. Izzo will also testify that [he] submitted additional urine samples to Anderson at later times as well.

"Mr. Izzo will also testify about receiving performance-enhancing substances from Anderson, about instructions from Anderson about how to administer the substances, about the schedule Anderson gave to him for administering the substances, and about what Mr. Anderson told him about the efficacy of those substances."

The Celtics or Something Like Them

2009-02-10T15:39:00.008-05:00

Everything you need to know about the Celtics you could have learned in the last three games. We lost at home to the Lakers in overtime, we beat the Knicks handily on the road, and we lost to the Spurs at home in the final minute. I don't want to get all Shaughnessy on you but if we expect the C's to match last years fate, we need to Obama this bitch, lets make some change.

Two names that have been synonymous with the phrase "Celtics missing piece" have been Stephon Marbury and PJ Brown, but to me those pieces don't necessarily fit in this 2009 puzzle. Marbury is tumor, and while tumors can become benign, they are always tumors, potentially malignant at any turn(over). PJ Brown meanwhile is another year older, 39 going on 40, which is prime age for a bottle of scotch or a cougar, but not necessarily an NBA player. I think the years pile up on these athletes logarithmically like on golden retrievers and this last one year makes a big difference. Plus, I think the PJ Brown desire is a one way street or wouldn't we have heard more refined scuttlebutt?

The two killer losses at home last week clearly demonstrated that we are missing the James Posey presence in all of its glory. On offense, his absence means Tony Allen gets wayyy too much playing time leading to a shot chart that looks like an Battleship board. Defensively Posey's absence puts more pressure on Pierce, which. in turn, takes away from his offense. Tony Allen couldn't play in a James Posey cover band right now.

Anyway, we are going to have to get outside of the box and find some other applicants. The help wanted ad may look something like this:

2 Positions to be filled- One swingman who can spread the floor with a 15-23 foot jump shot and prior experience with defense or willingness to learn. One backup big man who can own post space on both sides of the floor and burn minutes when Perk and KG are in foul trouble.

Let's set a few rules for eligibility. We'll try to be realistic, in other words, the Celtics wont be a player in the Amare Stoudemire sweepstakes. The Lakers, Cavs, and Magic wont trade with the Celtics down the stretch, so I'm not listing any of their players. The Celtics have a huge payroll already so we cant eat a giant contract like Shawn Marion's. Here's a list of guys I'd have on my wish list if I was Danny Ainge:

Jason Maxiell (PF-Det)- Maxiell is a bruiser who could improve from a defensive pep talk from KG. He's buried on the Pistons bench even behind Kwame Brown, the personal Mendoza line, even though Maxiell has produced for years.
Andres Nocioni (SF-Chi)- A both sides of the ball help but carries a big paycheck owed. Not sure how to make the finances work, but the Bulls are like that girl hanging around during last call, just waiting for someone to look at them the right way.
Hakim Warrick (PF-Mem)- Warrick is defensive oriented, a big time shot changer, and shoots at a 47% clip. We wont be looking to him as an offense stud, but a reliable open shot maker.
Eduardo Najera (SF-NJ)- Currently battling injury, but a veteran presence who can produce as a low option on offense. Plus Wikipedia says he's known for his rebounding and defensive intensity, so you know it's gotta be true.
Morris Peterson (SF-NO)- Another vet with an injury, but when healthy, a guy who can really contribute on offense. Has an unattractive contract, which could tempt the Hornets to send him packing.
Tyson Chandler (C-NO)- His name is rumor-fodder at most deadlines because he still carries a deal-breaker contract. Last year's rejuvenation makes him desirable to man Celtics green, but at what price?
Alando Tucker (SF-Phx)- A rookie smooth shooter, who the Suns are unlikely to give up on too quickly. He would help spread the floor on offense and hopefully could learn defense on the job.
Sergio Rodriguez (G-Por)- Kinda a wildcard here, but a good shooter who is frustrated with playing time. Again a young gun who is unlikely to be given up on so soon, and the Celtics dont necessarily need another guard, but this could be a nice spark.
Channing Frye (PF-Por)- One year left at 3mil for a lifetime 45% shooter who can hit FTs and has experience, but never fit in with his teams. Now he's buried on the bench and is what we want Patrick O'Bryant to turn into.
Matt Bonner (PF-San)- Nevermind, I'm still sick from seeing this GingerBalls light us up on Sunday.

Meanwhile, there's a chance the Celtics could fill a position in house: Bill Walker, the C's draft pick out of Kansas State. We have the perfect opportunity to give him some burn at forward with KG and Ray in hopes of hastening his maturation. Meanwhile he has only seen action in seven games all year and doesn't even register as trade bait because no one has seen the kid. I dont think Ainge and Rivers know that one piece of the puzzle may lie under their nose. When its all said and done, I endorse moving on Walker, Maxiell, Frye, and Rodriguez come deadline time.

SFP Rewind: Texas Roiders

2009-02-10T13:44:00.003-05:00

When ESPN.com's Pat Forde published a column about how he would fix the BCS earlier this year, I re-posted the first ever column in SFP history, in which I came up with the same exact solution 3 years earlier. With the recent admission by Alex Rodriguez, I feel compelled to share the 4th column of my illustrious career, originally hitting the web on January 13th of 2006. Adding the fact that A-Roid juiced in each of his 3 seasons with Texas (and presumably none of the seasons with Seattle or NY), I think there may need to be a little investigation into the Rangers' front office.

(2009 edits in bold)

If there was ever a single team that exemplified steroid use in Major League Baseball it is the 1992 Texas Rangers. Although I believe that steroids were pumped into the Oakland water supply at some point in the mid 90s, this Rangers team is filled with players that simply defy logic. Jose Canseco admitted that 'roids were rampant in the locker room, and this team hasn't done much to prove him wrong.

DH: Canseco, 41 years old, admitted user.

OF: Julio Franco, 47, starting 1B for the Atlanta Braves

OF: Ruben Sierra, 40, starting DH for the New York Yankees

OF: Juan Gonzalez, 36, hit a total of 134 homers in 3 years, pulled every muscle in his body and hasn't played a full season in 5 years.

1B: Rafael Palmiero, 41, starting 1b for the Baltimore Orioles...Raffy, who hit a total of 16 home runs in his first 2 full seasons in the league, has hit 250 since turning 35...suspended for 10 games by MLB for violating steroid policy.

C: Pudge Rodriguez, 34, starting catcher for Detroit Tigers...averaged 13 home runs a season before hitting 35 in 1999 and won the MVP award. His home run total for 2005, after steroid testing began, was 14. (Since leaving Texas he has averaged 13.3 homers over the last 6 seasons)

P: Kenny Rogers, 41, back with rangers...Cy Young candidate through first half of 2005 season, suspended for pushing cameraman ('roid rage?)

P: Kevin Brown, 40, starting pitcher for the New York Yankees...broke his hand punching a wall in '04 ('roid rage?)

P: Nolan Ryan, 58 years old, retired...now I'm not saying that he was a user his whole career, but the man threw 100 mph when he was 42 years old.

I'm sure that not everyone named actually took steroids (*I'm pretty sure they all did, actually), but we're looking at some serious coincidences. Either way, this group serves as an example of ballplayers who have set records and are part of baseball history. On the heals of Palmeiro's positive test, a professor asked me to write a one page essay on whether or not the records of known users should be wiped from MLB's official records. After some research I confirmed that there was no precedent case in which records were wiped away, and it led to my conclusion about sports fans and analysts and their obsession with records and stats.

I finally realized that my professor was asking me to answer an irrelevant question. Baseball records don't matter, they are absolutely insignificant in any realm of human life. They should be kept, so that when one is broken it can be exciting and celebrated. 1998 was exciting because of McGwire and Sosa. Everyone enjoyed that, and it brought people pleasure. Isn't that the point of sports? Erasing McGwire or Bonds' home run records won't take away from the excitement that the baseball world felt watching them be set. The numbers are irrelevant. 61, 62, 70, 73, (756, 800) who cares? (Dorks) The point of keeping records is so enthusiasts can look back and remember past events, and when they look back and see 73 home runs in a season, they can talk about how steroids influenced baseball. Erasing a record doesn't erase an event or a memory or a feeling, and thats all that sports should be.

Babe Ruth didn't have to face black pitchers. Every era has its advantage. Lets focus on something else.

Actual Breaking News

2009-02-09T17:03:00.006-05:00

Sources: Shawn Johnson to appear on Dancing With The Stars!

For the record, this blog does not support the exploitation of underage girls. But shes less than a year from her 18th birthday, and if ABC says its OK to exploit her who am I to argue?

The other 103 of 2003

2009-02-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

BREAKING NEWS! A-ROD TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS IN 2003!

Oh, wait, you guys don't come to this blog to keep you informed about the world of sports? You guys get your news other places?? ESPN.com??? Oh...OK. I see how it is.

GayRod's name is obviously the biggest that will come out from the soon-to-be-released list of 104 players who tested positive for steroids in 2003, but probably not the most surprising. 103 players, allegedly at least 1 per team, will be named in the coming days or weeks. While other sites report the news, SFP projects it. And then gambles degenerately.

In that spirit, here are some odds as to who will be joining A-Fraud on the list of '03 Juicers:

-1000: Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi, Sammy Sosa
Betting a Ben Franklin to win an Al Hamilton isn't the best move, but at least a couple of these guys will be on the list.

And here are 25 other big names you might be finding on that list:

1/2 Aubrey Huff (right)
1/2 Jim Edmonds
2/3 Jay Payton
1/1 Carlos Lee
1/1 Scott Rolen
1/1 Frank Thomas
3/2 Jose Guillen
3/2 Geoff Jenkins
2/1 Kerry Wood
2/1 Jason Schmidt
3/1 Trot Nixon
3/1 Vernon Wells
3/1 Garrett Anderson
4/1 Johnny Damon
4/1 Jason Varitek
4/1 Nomar Garciaparra
5/1 Carlos Delgado
5/1 Bill Mueller
5/1 Javier Vasquez
5/1 Kelvim Escobar
6/1 Michael Young
10/1 Brett Myers
10/1 Chipper Jones
20/1 Ichiro Suzuki
50/1 Curt Schilling

TGIMD

2009-02-06T08:51:00.008-05:00

Don't feel like working today? Me neither. Thank God for the Morning Dump...

Marshawn Lynch has just become my favorite non-Patriot in the league

Losties comment on Wednesday episode

If you haven't seen Drunk History yet then you're missing out. I will be giving my rendition of the events leading up to the Civil War on Saturday.

At Needham High we would have called these SOGBs (Show-offs gone bad) but at FAIL Blog they call it getting owned and pwned.

Check out the Heckler trailer, starring the Insneider. Then search for YouTube clips of comedians pwning hecklers. Great way to kill an hour.

We probably won't be bumping into Willie Parker at the Bruce cover band show next weekend

If you want to impress your coworkers and nail Barstool's Guess That Ass 90% of the time, you need to frequent Egotastic, thats where they get almost all of them.

25 Things About Me... (just kidding. i think that is the dumbest fucking thing you can possibly do. note to anyone reading this: i don't give a shit about more than 2 things about you, let alone 25)

Commercial of the Day ...kinda old, but its a smile

This link is only for those people who are beyond bored. If you are just really bored then you're not ready for it yet.

This guy hasn't hopped on the "pro wrestling is fake" bandwagon yet. Give it time.

Bonus: Go on Facebook, friend me if we're not already online acquaintances, and challenge me to a game of Lexulous. I will ruin your life.

Picture of the Week:

Karaoke Craig: Live at Wing Bowl 2009

2009-02-02T13:11:00.004-05:00

Author's Note: This account is wholly and unequivocally dedicated to the cause of Benjamin Landri and his semi-pro football team, the New Jersey Broncos, who pledge to donate not less than $20 (but perhaps as much as $50) per touchdown this upcoming season to a charity of the greatest esteem. Which charity, specifically, is undecided as of press time, but it almost certainly will have to do with A.) kids or B.) cancer, according to Benjamin. My money's on kids with cancer, when all is said and done.

It's midnight, and I've just returned from a four-hour round trip to Dover, Del., where I covered a high school basketball game that ended at 9:30. I get in bed, expecting to awake at 4 a.m. and start pre-gaming for Wing Bowl 17. Instead, at 3:58 a.m., I reach over to preemptively silence my alarm clock, having not slept a wink. I shrug my shoulders, get up and go pluck a Natty Light out of the fridge. Roommate Rick heads for the shower and I head for Wawa, setting the half-drank Natty on the porch.

4:17 - Wawa: I buy a bottle of 5-hour energy (as of this writing, holding up well through hour 9), a coffee and a roast beef melt on ciabatta. My body is as confused as the time I took up fasting as a hobby (massive failure, fyi).

4:30 - Pounding Natty Lights in the living room. Roommates Rick and Phil are drinking high-octane, deeply alcoholic beer geek beer, so I'm trying to go 2-for-1 with them. One of their buddies, Steve, comes and picks us up, and drives us to the Wachovia Center.

5:30 - We arrive at the Wachovia Center, home to the Philadelphia Flyers and 76ers. The darkness tricks my mind into thinking we're arriving for a 7:30 p.m. hockey game. We find a couple of guys who'd tracked us down on Craigslist to buy our extra tickets. Turns out they and Rick share mutual friends from the bartending scene.

6:30 - We're standing outside the Wach (no one calls it that) pounding Sam Adams and Natty Lights. Anticipation of Wing Bowl 17 is peaking as highlights of Wing Bowl 16 play on flat-screens inside the arena bar adjacent to our sidewalk. For the uninitiated: the Wing Bowl is a competition created by a radio station I never cared to learn and hosted by a pair of DJs I wouldn't ever recognize (though I'm sure these details are made abundantly made clear on the commemorative hand towel I received upon entry) to anoint the most prolific amateur wing eater in the nation. Contestants perform an eating "challenge" on the radio show to gain entry, or otherwise earn their berth in a satellite wing-eating tournament. The appeal for spectators, besides the unquantifiable excitement of watching vomit happen while being present for a live radio broadcast, is that all females in attendance are expected to show their tits when discovered by the Jumbotron, or when the crowd hurls beads at them. Additionally, the event is attended by hordes of strippers, who try to attract men to their clubs by wearing lingerie under their trademarked club paraphernalia. Not surprisingly to me, precious few females attended Wing Bowl 17.

The scene inside the Wach: seats are filled well into the upper deck, exceedingly with dudes. Seriously, if this isn't the world's biggest sausage convention I'll turn in my journalism badge right now. The arena floor is set up for hockey, but with rubber mats on the ground instead of ice. Inside the boards, a partition runs parallel to create a penned-in space where entourages, strippers, VIPs and a cover band wait. On the far side of the floor, along where the goal line would be, sit two raised platforms which will display the contest. In the meantime, contestants file in one-by-one, with their entourages usually performing a sort of sketch to usher the team in.

7:00 - I'm nice and socially lubricated by this point (it's 7 a.m. and the sun just recently came up. I keep reminding myself how awesome I find this) so I'll be relying on text messages I sent myself throughout the day to paint the rest of this picture.

7:23 - Contestant Arson Arnie makes his entrance. Members of his entourage wheel out a coffin, and light smoke bombs under the carriage. The coffin rises on hydraulics amid the smoke, and after much ado (including the Undertaker's theme song), Arnie appears. Eyes water and throats burn throughout the stands from the smoke (major SOGB). Meanwhile, Al Morganti (one of the radio hosts) is yammering unintelligibly on the loudspeakers while the Jumbotron zooms in on young women in the crowd. "Show your tits!" chants are invariably followed either by the granting of the request (to enormous fanfare) or "Asshole!" chants upon denial. The Jumbotron director acts as if he's trying his best to prevent public obscenity from taking place by cutting away a split-second after each set of breasts is revealed, but obviously it's standard protocol for him to find us as many boobs as possible. Even though I could download pictures of professional-grade tits on my cellphone in a matter of seconds, I find his quick cut-aways infuriating.

7:40 - I text myself, "Why no girls here? Oh right."

7:43 - A 500-plus pound guy named "Damaging Doug" enters. His eating challenge is listed on the Jumbotron as "5 sliders in 5 minutes." Who needs more than five minutes to eat five sliders? I've seen old women at Chili's destroy an order in three. Damaging Doug is favored to win at 2-1 odds.

An older guy operating under the alias 'Tollman Joe' is wheeled out on a gurney, apparently unconscious. Things look grim for the Tollman until his scrubs-clad entourage injects wing sauce into his arm, and he is revived in time to compete, to great applause. I make a $5 bet with Tommy, a camo jacket-wearing guy behind me. I've got Arson Arnie's total up against Tollman Joe's.
(The running checklist: Beer? Wings? Strippers? Gambling? We're good all around.)

I note that when shown on the Jumbotron, the strippers are far less likely to show their tits than are the average female fans. It occurs to me that, while strippers are accustomed to showing their tits, they're very uninterested in doing it for free.

The World Series trophy makes an appearance in the parade of contestants. Effin Phillies. The Wach goes nuts.

7:55 - An absolutely electric National Anthem by a Philly cop. This event has a Game 7 feel to it.

8:00 - The Jumbotron takes a break from broadcasting flashing girls and elaborate entrance skits to show the start of the actual wing-eating contest. I head to the bathroom.

8:10 - Caught up in the moment, a guy sitting behind me to my left tries to chug his entire beer, but it goes down the wrong pipe and ends up spewed past me, onto my jacket and into the beer in my left hand. I ponder this development, then choose to act like it didn't happen. These beers cost $7.50 apiece.

8:17 - A girl sitting down by the glass shows her tits to the Jumbotron, then several more times to the rowdies clamoring around her. She's having way too much fun, so security comes down and escorts her up the stairs to keep up the appearance that they're opposed to public nudity. This prompts me to put my Robin Hood pants on, so I hustle down the stairs and set a pick on the security guy, who's walking up the stairs on the other side of the rail from the girl.

Security guy: Get the fuck out of the way.

Me: (Something about him asking more nicely).

SG: I said get The Fuck out of the way!

Me: Yes sir.

SG gets her to the top of the section and out into the concourse. I turn to see what's going on at the exact same time as the guy next to me hollers at SG, Why don't you come back here and suck my dick! SG turns to see who said it, and our eyes meet. He thinks it's me. He flies down the stairs at me, and I think, Uh Oh, show's over, but he stops short of me and tells me to find my seat. Well then...no problemo.

Meanwhile, tit-showing-enthusiast girl (left) is back — again, security is only going through the motions today. Putting on my journalism pants, I ask for her name and a picture on behalf of Sportsfanparadise dot com. Her suspicious but not terribly overprotective boyfriend (on left) gives his blessing. Her name is Nikki or Heather or something that would fit a girl who shows her tits a lot.

I head back up the stairs and introduce myself to Tom (formerly known as Security Guy) as Craig from Sportsfanparadise dot com. He doesn't seem to remember me from our minor brouhaha 45 seconds ago and is delighted at our acquaintance. I ask him a few questions about his gig here at Wing Bowl, but he laughs and insists I refer all questions to the security HQ located at section 116.

Around 8:40 is when I decide that I'm keeping my journalism pants on full-time and seeing where Sportsfanparadise's illustrious reputation can take me. Having already interviewed one of the few girls in attendance and a security employee, I seem to have exhausted all the access at my disposal. Hmm. I briefly interview Alicia, who's selling beers on the concourse. She says she's sold around 180 beers since 6 a.m., which is low for this event. Must be the economy. (nota bene: 180 x $7.50 = $1,350 for one tiny booth). Sales will stop in 20 minutes, at 9 oclock.

I approach another security staffer and ask who I would contact about speaking with one of the contestants (several have been eliminated by this point, or maybe the whole contest is over by now. I have no drunken clue). I'm directed to the security HQ at section 116.

9ish - I make my way into security HQ. A half-dozen cops are standing around watching contestants vomit on closed-circuit TV in a small, lobbyish room featuring a partitioned-off reception area and, in the back, drunk tanks to which I am emphatically denied access. I'm wearing shiny green beads from the Skoal booth, a WVU baseball cap, and carrying a half-full blue solo cup of Sierra Nevada. I preface my introduction with, "I know I don't look like a journalist, but..." and make a request for an audience with one of the competitors ("Just five minutes, I swear") despite my lack of credentials or any semblance of legitimacy.

Phone calls and walkie-talkie chirps are made on my behalf. Eventually some staffers wearing burgundy windbreakers appear, from downstairs I'm told, and genuinely apologize but no, they can't let me in to talk to anyone. Credential requests had to be made days ago.

I'm bummed but not deterred. I wander the concourse seeking anyone with a pass dangling from their necks. A couple of bribe offers later, no dice. I meet four guys wearing bowling league-style shirts that identify them as "Wingette Inspectors." This means they are in charge of judging the scantily clad young ladies who assist the contestants.

"Best-looking Wingette gets a Harley," one says.

"Or whichever one will go home with you later on," another adds.

"The less classy, the better," says a third.

These guys, three of whom were named Mark, spent the day down on the floor, but they can't help me get back in. I tell them to check sportsfanparadise dot com later on.

I make one last-ditch effort to get downstairs. I see three young guys standing together on the concourse, wearing passes on lanyards. I introduce myself, ask if they're legitimately credentialed to get downstairs, and whether they can help get me access to a contestant.

"You want to talk to Tollman Joe? I'm his son," one says.

Hell fucking yes I want to talk to Tollman Joe. His son's name is Greg, and one of the guys with him is a stocky fellow named Benjamin, who's introduced by Greg as a future contestant himself. They hand me a ticket and we head up to the luxury suites, where the Tollman's party has been moved since the end of the contest.

I'm in a luxury box at the Wach, being introduced to the more important members of Tollman Joe's entourage. Finally, the Tollman is briefed on my mission, and I am invited to crouch next to the outside box seat where he's recuperating and speak with him. I learn that the Tollman, who's listed at 6-3, 372 but is not nearly that big, is a returning champion. He won Wing Bowl 8 in 2000 by eating 90 wings, and is a four-time competitor. His entry was guaranteed by virtue of his past title, since this year only amateurs are allowed and he is an amateur. His original food challenge, however, was to consume a dozen doughnuts and a quart of chocolate milk in five minutes. Dude can eat. He got his nickname by working as a toll operator on the Jersey Turnpike.

Joe explains to me his entry skit: he had a stroke four years ago, and had recently been working with a personal trainer to get back into good health.

"I got a reprieve this week to come here," he says.

So he went with the medical emergency theme, and came off the gurney only when treated with pure wing sauce. It's at this point I remember I had a wager against Tollman Joe. He takes the news graciously. I ask him if he out-ate my man Arson Arnie. He says he did.

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride," he says of Arnie.

The contest was won, by the way, by a 23-year-old under the name of Super Squibb, who ate 203 wings.

Joe's quest to keep his health means he's officially retiring from Wing Bowl after this year. I don't see word of this announcement anywhere else on the internet, so consider this breaking news (although a friend in Joe's entourage strongly suggests this claim might be Favrian at best). Joe's got 103 people in his entourage, and they're all heading by chartered bus back to Schellie's (not sure of the spelling) Bar in South Jersey for the after party. I thank him for his time and go to speak to Benjamin Landri, the protege. I agree to plug his semi-pro football team's charity drive for being such a good sport. He says he doesn't know what charity exactly will be the beneficiary, but probably, "Children's research, or something. Nothing stupid, or nothing like that."

I ask Landri what his challenge will be to get into the competition. He doesn't know yet, but claims he can drink a beer in under two seconds. I offer to race him, and we head to the bar, but serving has long since stopped. I thank the members of Tollman's party for their hospitality and their many offers to join them for the after-party in South Jersey, and the after-after-party at Delilah's Gentleman's Club in Philly. I race out to the parking lot to meet up with my roommates. It's bright — really bright. Sleep deprivation and inebriation are working together to take years off my life. We pile in the car and head to the brewery roommate Rick works at, so he can embarrass his drunken self in front of his boss and get us free beers. Then it's to the Penn's Port strip club for another after-party. Finally, at 1 p.m., we roll back to the neighborhood and go to sleep while everyone else in the city digs in for the last four hours of work before the weekend.

I fall into the most necessary sleep ever despite the searing mid-afternoon light pouring into my room, but not before a few seconds of speculating about what my eating challenge is going to be in 2010, or how I'll have my entourage enter the arena.